I came downstairs this morning and do what I normally do…turn on Bounce TV.
On the weekend I usually turn on the tv and have it as ambient background while I cook breakfast. My pooch follows me to the kitchen and I notice the video countdown is on. I don’t have cable so this is the only “ethnic” video programming.
I was on #7 Mary J Blige was singing about how she’s tired of some man.
Then #6 was a song entitled, “My girls” by some female group…emphasizing the solidarity of her girls.
Then #5 John Legend talking about love; Family, Country, Heterosexual, Homosexual…love.
Then #4 Beyonce “Lemonade” the video was the “Queen B” walking around breaking up cars, windows, fire hydrants, singing about how she was betrayed hurt by some, you guessed it, man. I thought queens behaved a little differently but that’s just me.
Then Bryson or whatever his name was, talking about some woman that hurt him. This dude is about 20 years old complaining about a woman…please.
What number are we on? Solange talking about rebuilding and trying…wait, honestly, I don’t know WHAT she was talking about.
Finally number #1 Bruno Mars…he was partying about money, vixens, Vegas and Versachee(spelled it wrong on purpose). I actually like this song.
Ok…out of ten videos, what do you see? I’m not talking to you ladies, I’m talking to the young men. I’ll tell you what I see…a bunch of negativity about black men and this contentious culture with our women. I’ve done my share of hurting and disappointing women, so I’m the last person playing victim here.
My point is this;
All women are not gold diggers.
All women are not hoes.
All women are not cheating.
All women don’t dress like strippers.
All women are not ALL women.
Regardless of what you see on tv, regardless of what may be around you, treat women with respect. Even if they don’t act like they deserve to be respected, respect them anyway. As a man you have to be the better person, you have to lead by an example of a gentlemen. You have to want better for yourself. If you can’t make someone happy or make their lives better, keep looking. Don’t stay there making each other miserable. Find someone that will appreciate you doing something for them. Sliding off topic…anyway as I said, “ethnic” programming…and that’s just what it is…programming. That’s an interesting word because that’s exactly what’s happening. Well, don’t let videos, tv, social media or the news convince or “program” you to be negative. Keep your perspective positive. Remember All women are not All women. Find that one that’s different and put a ring on it. I need to take my own advice.
I could be blogging volumes about all the other negative influences but I chose to take a bite out of this one.
The point of this blog is not to get you to have the perfect resolution. The purpose is for you to understand the path to getting better through your resolutions. You have to examine yourself and target what’s lacking and make it better. I want you to get moving towards your goals through a self assessment of who you are and who you want to be. I’m personally never content in one space when I know I can do better. I try to keep moving forward in my attitude, my position and my vision. Nothing worth attaining happens overnight, so start working towards that goal. Before I get into resolutions, let me first examine the purpose of resolutions so we all can understand how resolutions originated and what they should be.
There are several origins of new years resolutions;
The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.
The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named. The Romans believed Janus could forgive them for the wrongdoings in the previous year. They would make promises, believing that Janus would see this and bless them in the years ahead.
In the Medieval era, the knights took the “peacock vow” at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.
At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions.
Thanks Wikipedia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My interpretation of a resolution is some vow or commitment to better yourself. I’ve learned to make my resolutions realistic. For example, “Being a millionaire by the end of the year” is not a resolution, it may be a goal but how realistic is that really? Now if you resolve to “Save ten percent of your income by the end of the year”, that’s a good attainable resolution. Shoot maybe by the end of 10 years saving 10 percent, you may be a millionaire.
My point is that all resolutions aim at making yourself better, self-improving, and becoming a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As a young man, I had role models like; my uncle, grandfather and my mother’s boyfriend. As some sort of rite of passage, I always tried to think of a resolution that would make me better as a man or husband. I mean, they knew things about cars that I didn’t know so I would learn from them. My grandfather was a hard worker so I would try to work harder and not give up quick like I usually did. My mother would say, “Don’t half do it, do it until it’s complete”.
I’ve committed to several resolutions over the past 20 years or so. This is a list of resolutions as far as I can remember.
Clean up my room more
Take out the trash when asked the first time
Learn how to swim
Get my driving permit
Learn how to jump-start a car.
Learn how to drive
Get a passport
Pay off my Macy’s credit card
Get accepted to college
Study 4 times a week
Learn how to cut my own hair
Get a part-time job while in school
Learn how to drive a manual transmission
Don’t have any babies before I graduate college
Don’t smoke any weed
Graduate college
Purchase a home
Travel outside the country
Whenever I need to, pray
Volunteer/Mentor with an organization
Pay my taxes on time
Don’t get any speeding tickets
Start my own company
Join a church
Lose 10 lbs
Learn how to scuba dive
Tithe regularly
Eat red meat once a week
Join a dive club
Run for office of my volunteer chapter
Learn muay thai
Don’t send out emails without proofreading
Run for an office position of my national volunteer organization
Start a mentoring blog
Purchase a retirement home
All of the previous resolutions were goals at one time. I can honestly say most of them were successfully completed. The speeding ticket one…hmmm.
My more recent resolutions were:
Focus on my spirituality and less on religion
Read twice a week, put Netflix and Amazon prime on hold.
Learn Spanish…still going
Be positive, regardless of the situation be positive, make the situation better not worse
Pay off all my credit cards…I paid them off once, gotta do it again and again
Let me try this again…do not purchase any clothing!…Not even boxer briefs
Interview celebrities for my blog
Finish 3 screenplays…uuugh
Investigate 3 places I would live abroad…down to two (Capetown, Caribbean, or South America)
Maintain 15% body fat…up to 20% but I’m 184 so maybe that’s the good fat.
Focus on wealth building not money…always.
Be happy!…pretty easy for me.
Fortunately or unfortunately, some significant things occurred this year that shook my foundation. It tells me I can’t just do the same old “focus on you” thing. I’ll still work on the above goals but I feel it’s time to heal and help my people. Let me give you an example:
As I was walking in the Costco parking lot I saw this woman’s cart in front of my car. She was an older black woman, so I walked up and politely informed her that her cart was in my way and I was leaving. I thought I was polite when I approached her. She responded, “Ok”
As my behind landed in the seat I noticed what I had just done. I had walked past an elderly black woman trying to put bottles and a package of plastic water bottles in her trunk. I felt like an idiots that don’t hold the door when you’re 3 steps behind them. Well…before my door closed, I immediately got back out, helped her sort the individual items in the cardboard box and picked up the package of water and placed it in her trunk and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I’ll take your cart for you.” I returned her cart to the cart area and returned to my car. She was appreciative and hurrying to get her keys and stuff together. I said, “Miss…please take your time.” She said, “Bless you…Thank you”. I was mad and ashamed that I had the attitude that she was in my way.
I just shook my head in the car and realized then…I must change.
The shame of my actions wasn’t obvious and that’s what bothered me. Regardless of what I felt election night I feel right back to worry about me, what I have, what I’m doing, where am going, what I need. At that moment, I realized and reminded myself that I have to change. I think we have veered to far off the path of what’s right. We’ve forgotten what’s important, we’ve become selfish and that’s NOT who we are…we’ve been convinced to believe who we are… but they’re wrong. I’m starting to creep out of my blog subject but you get what I mean. There’s more to discuss on this topic.
My resolution for 2016 is:
Be a better example, I think I’m ok, good even…but I want to be exceptional.
MPM
“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often.”
I wanted to publish this blog so badly but it’s taken me forty something years to understand the importance of attitude. I feel comfortable discussing it now because I needed to learn and understand the effects of my attitude.
My friend Keisha would always tell me, “…you gotta kill them with kindness”. I believed her but I didn’t think I was capable and I did not want to be a “punk”.
If you’re kind, it doesn’t mean you’re a punk.
In my militant Morgan State mind, I always thought it was weak to be kind. Let me explain where that originates. Black males are always dealt a higher level of criticism, our ideas are never good enough, we’re always expected to fail because most of the time, we are set up to fail. I call it the “Obama Syndrome”, no President Obama wasn’t the first black male to experience a blanket scrutiny but in the highest position in the country, it’s easier to see a bias during his term unlike we’ve witnessed in the past. Black males don’t get the benefit of a doubt, another chance or an adequate level of support or fair consideration of the circumstances. We aren’t a part of the good ole boy club and don’t have any relatives that can get us access. We may be able to get a reference but for the most part, anytime you start of job, you’re starting from the bottom of the hill with no shortcuts to the top. Thinking back, it was hard for me to react with kind intentions, with that culture of bias. Let me say, kind is not the right word to convey what I mean. Being professional, positive, less sensitive or a little less confrontational, may be what I mean.
Over the last two years I have been working in a position that was inherently contentious. I was dealing with rigid personalities and negatively reactive support. I’m not complaining, I’m use to it, it was the typical scenario I faced and you will face. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.
The only difference in the past two years was how I reacted to it. In the past, those circumstances always invited a frustration or impatience that exuded in attitude and actions, but in the last two years I didn’t carry that frustration with me. I just did my job and helped everyone as much as I could. I tried to always be pleasant, positive and a team player. I’m not tap dancing and smiling all the time, I just do the job, get my money and be bigger and better than any nonsense. There were some significant challenges, small people testing me but I just kept focusing on my goal. I always just kept my attitude positive and it was reflected in my actions. When a shady email came across my screen, I had the reservation to just not respond. I would respond only a few times with a strategic email but nothing like I did before. In the past, I would respond and embarrass myself and my team. I would find myself in my managers office trying to justify my actions. Well…I didn’t have to visit my manager in the past two years and most times, someone else was defending my actions. Over time in this role, I found people supportive because I wasn’t the angry black dude. I was the team player with the great attitude. I had never been him before and I liked it. Well…I’m leaving this position because someone from another division sought me out. They heard I had a “Great attitude” and would be an asset to the team. ME?! (Looking side to side) The two years of being positive paid off. Both of my managers came to me and said, “I support you moving on, you’ll do great.” I was blown away, one manager said, “If it doesn’t work out just call me and I’ll find a position here for you.” WHAT?! …that has never happened in my life. I’m not saying that I can’t return to any of my positions but my value was never made so clear to me.
So I’m sharing this because I wasn’t kind, I was positive, stayed away from gossip and did the best I could without falling into the angry black man stereotype. Don’t be angry. I mean why?!…you have a job, you can buy nice things, take care of your family and enjoy life. Why fight with people, black or white, that are unhappy in their lives, why give their misery company. Being positive doesn’t mean being a punk or a sell out. You can avoid drama and reinvent your reputation and be seen as a person that wants to succeed.
There’s a few sayings that are relevant here;
“Life is 10% something happening to you and 90% how you handle it”
” Watch your thoughts, they become words, watch you words, they become your actions”
For the first time in my life I can control…as I’m typing this another statement rings in my head;
“He who angers you, controls you”
That’s what I mean, when you don’t respond to the nonsense and you stay above the pettiness, things come easier.
MPM
“A bad attitude is like a flat tire, if you don’t change it you’ll never go anywhere.”
“Your attitude is like a price tag, it shows how valuable you are.”
Ps. The instagram photo is of my goodbye card, my old manager signed it saying, “Robert, I’d wish you luck but you’ll be successful wherever you go.”
This was originally published on July 16th, 2016. I’ve modified the original version because it was an angry vomit of facts and I wanted to remove some profanity and provide a little more level headed blogging. The original text was to instigate a discussion for some sort of resolution, but I think we’re past talks. Anyway, angry blogging is never good. Please enjoy and discuss.
Starting again…
There’s been a lot going on so I’m going to just put it out there.
I just paid money to watch another movie where black people sacrificed themselves for white people. Then I started thinking…we, everyone is conditioned, brainwashed, desensitized into thinking Black Lives Don’t Matter.
Black men are dying for the stupidest reasons imaginable, Air Jordans, jealousy, cars, gold chains, North Face Jackets, gang affiliation, wear a wrong color and you get a bullet in the head. Black rappers make music about murder like it’s cool, like it’s a way of life and we dance to it! It’s all for show all for bragging rights but at some point this entertainment business went too far. We rap about dying like it’s a sport, like dying is not real. That’s just dumb. You face death every day, really?!…in your Ferrari for real?! Give me a f#$%@ break. When you start making money your tone will change and you’ll start taking pictures with cops cause your agent said it’s a good idea. Yeah but I remember that thug rapper from Cali that influenced an entire generation of young black boys to smoke weed and kill other black kids on his way to the top. After his first album, “Ready to Die” The Notorious Biggie Smalls said it best, “I ain’t ready to die no more”. This statement was quoted by the rapper right before he was shot and killed. Curtis Jackson’s album titled, “Get Rich or Die Tryin'” speaks to a destructive survival mentality. Marvin Gaye said it best, “What’s going on?!” Whatever is going on is on purpose, it’s no mistake that black people fill up the prisons, it’s no mistake that our public schools are failing, that our food is s#!&, that we’re underpaid, overtaxed, our water is poison, and doctors experiment on us. This corporate, political, economic system wasn’t built for us, it depends on us.
These killings at the hands of cops is not only because cops fear us but because they too have been conditioned to believe black lives don’t matter.
Do you remember March 3, 1991, Rodney King was resisting arrest for about 8:09 minutes while he got beat, almost to death, by about 6 cops…this was BEFORE Facebook, before streaming, some of you weren’t even born yet, twenty something years ago.
What happened to those four cops…acquitted on most charges, which started the 1992 LA riots.
Feddie Grays died from a broken neck while in custody of the Baltimore police, all officers acquitted, it’s 2016 people. This also started a riot in Baltimore last year.
So…what does that tell you, that police have escalated their mistreatment of blacks, you get shot now, you don’t just get beat up.Whatever the method, you could end up dead.
Cops kill us over license tags, selling cigarettes, arguing, Amadou Diallo and Philando Castile, were BOTH killed for reaching for their wallets, this is not the first time that mistake has happened. They shot at Amadou 41 times hitting him 19 times…you think that’s a little excessive? He was 23 years old. Philando had a child in the car, you’re not supposed to take that shot with someone in the background, that’s not a safe shot. You can even hear in video where the officers yells, “F$%#” because he knows he made a mistake. My thinking is, “If you’re that scared, take that badge off and go be another civil servant, like a sanitation worker or something, any position that’s unarmed. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW cops are on edge, you’re risking your life to protect and serve and this black bastard is talking smack about his rights, smelling like weed and driving on a suspended license…yeah he’s an idiot, but he still doesn’t deserve to die cause he’s going through a bad patch in his life. I get it but some of y’all are out of control and this s#!& has to stop.
The cop in South Carolina video taped a cop placing a stun gun in place so he can justify killing an unarmed black man running AWAY from him. The cop in Cincinnati was lying about being almost run over by the guy with a hanging license tag and the other cop drove up and started lying with him immediate saying, “Yep, I saw that”…the black unarmed driver was shot for a hanging license tag are you f$%#*# kidding me?! These people are not pit bulls or video game characters, they’re human beings you’re killing. Oh and for you white people who haven’t been paying attention, this s#!& ain’t just start happening, it’s just nowbeing video taped.
I heard the a quote by Dr. William Edward Burghardt Du Bois, Fisk University Class of 1888,
“A system cannot fail those it was never built to protect.”
I read this when I attended an HBCU, Morgan State University. Ever since reading it, I’ve been unsuccessful in trying to deny it. WEB Du Bois graduate college in 1888! So what am I supposed to tell college grads, that things are going to be different?! If my grandfather’s grandfather warned him about white cops then this s#!& has been going on for years, decades and for that long cops black AND white have been getting away with murder, theft, bribery, you name it.
So then what…more community rallies, more marches, more We shall over comes, neighborhoods in mourning, stacks of roses and teddy bears, sensitivity training…how many more vigils, not guiltys, apologies, lawsuits can a race take…but it going to happen again. SOMEONE, whether it’s black on black crime or a cop or armed neighborhood watcher following a kid home, another black life is not going to matter.
So how do I twist this into a mentoring moment you ask?! Well…I see it as a choice. If you want to stay a nigger you want to stay ignorant, uneducated, in and out of jail, fine. Choose a life that doesn’t matter, that’s your choice, but don’t make excuses. Don’t blame your parents, just say, “I was scared to live, I was scared to fail.” There’s enough positive examples to use to make yourself better but you can’t be a coward. Cowards stay home wasting their life away on the couch comfortable playing their video games, drinking and smoking weed into ignorant nigger bliss and not leaving his neighborhood. The real black men step out of their comfort zone and make a difference with what little they have. The raise good children, they educate themselves, they pay their bills, they have white friends over, they present themselves in a positive light and constantly fight the negative stereotypes that the media, community and cinema perpetuate. So…take your pick and whatever side you choose don’t make excuses, own it.
Either your life is going to matter or it’s not, no slogan is going to make your life matter if you don’t make it matter first.
MPM
“To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” James Baldwin
“You know, it’s not the world that was my oppressor, because what the world does to you, if the world does it to you long enough and effectively enough, you begin to do to yourself.” James Baldwin
The power of the white world is threatened whenever a black man refuses to accept the white world’s definitions. James Baldwin
Middle Passage Mentor 