Category Archives: Relationships

The relationships category provides man to man advice to young men of color. There are topics and discussion that men need to discuss. This category provides a platform for that firm discussion.

Repairing relationships: Apologize and Forgive

I saw the video of the Magic Johnson Isiah Thomas’ reconciliation.

First…I really didn’t know they had beef, but when I saw the emotions it validated that whatever happened was real.

Second…I was happy to see these two iconic black men, moguls even,  humble enough to apologize. I have nothing but respect for them.

Just think, these two friends, for whatever reason, stop being friends for all those years. Sometimes we get in our feelings about things that really don’t matter, sometimes.

Maybe it mattered at the time and you can be mad but to hold a grudge for years…it’s really not worth that amount of time.  The misunderstanding, communication, joke that went bad…in the grand scheme of things, whatever you’re mad about, it’s not that important to hold on to the anger, let it go.

So…when you’re with your family this holiday season, remember the things that are important, forget the things that are not. I just thought it was important to share.

Lastly…they both joked at the end of the hug, the apology lasted about 3 minutes and it was over that fast. Think of the decades of missed memories between friends, resolved in 3 minutes.

Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas

MPM

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Love is bigger than sex

DISCLAIMER: I am older, so my views may be seen as old fashioned. This is my opinion based on what I’ve done wrong and in some cases, where I’ve lost the most valuable friendships. My hope and goal, as with all my blogs, is to help you not make the same mistakes I have.

(Deep inhale) Here we go…

LOVE

I think our society is driven by sex, money and power. We try to fit love in there but love has been getting it’s ass kicked by those three. Who you chose to love is really up to you, even if it’s the same gender. I’m surprised to say that but that’s the world we live in. I’ve come to the conclusion that love shouldn’t have prerequisites. If you love someone, it shouldn’t be because they treat you nice or you view them as perfect, because no one is. So the quicker you find the imperfections, the faster you’ll determine how much you love them, if you even love them at all.

It’s taken me several years to recognize that love doesn’t fit in a box. It’s just love. You have to just shake your head at the disappointments because a person, just like you, is going to mess up, going to do something that doesn’t make sense, going to disappoint you

…but you still love them.

To get to that echelon of love, you have to know someone…more importantly you have to know yourself. People have been telling me for YEARS that you should be friends first…for YEARS! I didn’t listen, I just want that good stuff. LOL

The hardest break up I had was in December. It’s hard to call it a break up but we had something really special. I contributed to the break up in my own gemini ways, but I was deeply disappointed at revelations about my friends behavior. It was hard because I had grown to love her, as our friendship matured our sex become something more. My neighbor asked, “You’re the break up king…why was it so hard to get over her?!”  I said…

“because we were friends.”

SEX

Before you have sex with someone you should understand what it is. Whether is lust, love or just recreational you should respect the difference. Emotions confuse people and lust, or a recreational romp in the bed gets misinterpreted as love…it’s NOT.

As I said earlier, you have to know yourself.

When you’re young and your frenetic hormones are out of control it’s hard to discern what feelings are involved. Sex is an intimate thing, it’s private, and it’s really no one else’s business. As my mom says, “That’s between the both of you and God” If you do have sex with someone, keep it to yourself. Don’t even tell your best friend. To be quite honest, people are going to know anyway. People are going to see your body language and how you interact with each other. It may very well be obvious (shrug shoulders).

My point is our society makes everything about sex and no emotion. That’s not real. Your emotions are real and tangible. How you think, feel and live is a most important thing in your life. Don’t make everything about sex, cause it really could be nothing.

MPM

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
Deepak Chopra

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Sing, dance, rap, party to the negativity.

I came downstairs this morning and do what I normally do…turn on Bounce TV.

On the weekend I usually turn on the tv and have it as ambient background while I cook breakfast. My pooch follows me to the kitchen and I notice the video countdown is on. I don’t have cable so this is the only “ethnic” video programming.

I was on #7 Mary J Blige was singing about how she’s tired of some man.

Then #6 was a song entitled, “My girls” by some female group…emphasizing the solidarity of her girls.

Then #5 John Legend talking about love; Family, Country, Heterosexual, Homosexual…love.

Then #4 Beyonce “Lemonade” the video was the “Queen B” walking around breaking up cars, windows, fire hydrants, singing about how she was betrayed hurt by some, you guessed it, man. I thought queens behaved a little differently but that’s just me.

Then Bryson or whatever his name was, talking about some woman that hurt him. This dude is about 20 years old complaining about a woman…please.

What number are we on? Solange talking about rebuilding and trying…wait, honestly, I don’t know WHAT she was talking about.

Finally number #1 Bruno Mars…he was partying about money, vixens,  Vegas and Versachee(spelled it wrong on purpose). I actually like this song.

Ok…out of ten videos, what do you see? I’m not talking to you ladies, I’m talking to the young men. I’ll tell you what I see…a bunch of negativity about black men and this contentious culture with our women. I’ve done my share of hurting and disappointing women, so I’m the last person playing victim here.

My point is this;

  • All women are not gold diggers.
  • All women are not hoes.
  • All women are not cheating.
  • All women don’t dress like strippers.
  • All women are not ALL women.

Regardless of what you see on tv, regardless of what may be around you, treat women with respect. Even if they don’t act like they deserve to be respected, respect them anyway. As a man you have to be the better person, you have to lead by an example of a gentlemen. You have to want better for yourself. If you can’t make someone happy or make their lives better, keep looking. Don’t stay there making each other miserable. Find someone that will appreciate you doing something for them. Sliding off topic…anyway as I said, “ethnic” programming…and that’s just what it is…programming. That’s an interesting word because that’s exactly what’s happening. Well, don’t let videos, tv, social media or the news convince or “program” you to be negative. Keep your perspective positive. Remember All women are not All women. Find that one that’s different and put a ring on it. I need to take my own advice.

I could be blogging volumes about all the other negative influences but I chose to take a bite out of this one.

MPM

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Movie Review: “In My Father’s House”

When Caitlyn and Charlie from PictureMotion people contacted me to do the review, I was very skeptical. I didn’t think I could really provide an open-minded review while harboring assumptions about the movie. My assumptions had nothing to do with the movie but everything to do with the consistent reminders of the black male existence in America. My dilemma is with our never-ending challenge to find success in any aspect of our lives, while at the same time, changing the dialogue from defeat and pity to prosperity in a system of systems that are poised against us.

“In order to break a cycle you have to deal with the pain of what ever trauma that you’ve been through.” Donnie Smith(Wife)

They sent me a screening link, and I figured if I can get through the hour and thirty-three minutes it might be something to discuss.

ShareYourTruth-20I set up to passively watch the movie while doing my ironing for the week. I put up my ironing board, iron is hot, movie starts, I pick up the iron…

I didn’t touch any of my shirts, I didn’t iron not one article of clothing. I immediately put the iron down, picked up a pen and started taking notes. I watched the movie twice.

The movie makes the immediate distinction of what it’s not about; Rhymefest’s career, his latest album, another rapper grasping for any glimpse of that first taste of fame. For the first twenty minutes, I could not look away. If I would have tried to iron a shirt I would have burned it. Through my own research I find that Che “Rhymefest” Smith won a GRAMMY award for co-writing “Jesus Walks” with Kanye West. He’s also won an Oscar for co-writing “Glory” with Common and John Legend. The movie is not about that at all, but this movie is definitely his best work.

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“I started something that I can’t turn back.” Che Smith

This movie introduces the unspoken dynamics that exist at the core of the individual and most families. These issues are inherent barriers to a man understanding himself. Like Che, I had some unresolved issues in my past that needed to get addressed. I didn’t know my entire father’s side of the family until I was about 14 years old. I didn’t know why they never sought me out. When I met them, I learned and understood where most of my behavior and traits originated. It was like finding my dna, when I met them…I felt complete.

The movie embraced me on levels of masculinity that I didn’t expect. There were iconic images of fatherhood that made me appreciate the viewing; chess playing, the haircut, the dialogue.

“Sometime it ain’t nobody’s fault, it’s just life.” Che Smith

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The movie takes you through the painful cycle of homelessness. It pulls you into the emotional layers of single parenting, mentoring, juvenile issues, etc.   Every black child in America could benefit from watching this movie, but every person in America could reap an investment of compassion.

“I wish I was there more too.” Brian Tillman(Father)

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Most documentaries are factually rigid and the camera presence introduces a sterile entity that bleaches the ambiance of the movie. Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg direct this movie in a way that you’re not led and you don’t follow. You are in the conversation as a family member in the story. I’m intrigued by the other endeavors of Break Thru Films. Kudos to these two women! Ricki and Annie are on a whole different echelon of filming, you rock!

MPM

“The only thing I did good in my life was Che.”

Brian Tillman

http://www.breakthrufilms.org/films/in-my-father-s-house-showtime

http://hiphopdx.com/interviews/id.2710/title.rhymefest-details-in-my-fathers-house-new-album-how-kanye-wests-car-crash-sparked-a-movement

http://www.inmyfathershousefilm.com/#intro

February 5, 2016

IN MY FATHER’S HOUSE was nominated for an NAACP Image Award. Tune-in to TVOne on Feb. 5 to see if we won the award for Outstanding Documentary (Film)!

IN MY FATHER’S HOUSE will be available on DVD & BluRay tomorrow on January 26th. Please watch with the males in your family.

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