Love is bigger than sex

DISCLAIMER: I am older, so my views may be seen as old fashioned. This is my opinion based on what I’ve done wrong and in some cases, where I’ve lost the most valuable friendships. My hope and goal, as with all my blogs, is to help you not make the same mistakes I have.

(Deep inhale) Here we go…

LOVE

I think our society is driven by sex, money and power. We try to fit love in there but love has been getting it’s ass kicked by those three. Who you chose to love is really up to you, even if it’s the same gender. I’m surprised to say that but that’s the world we live in. I’ve come to the conclusion that love shouldn’t have prerequisites. If you love someone, it shouldn’t be because they treat you nice or you view them as perfect, because no one is. So the quicker you find the imperfections, the faster you’ll determine how much you love them, if you even love them at all.

It’s taken me several years to recognize that love doesn’t fit in a box. It’s just love. You have to just shake your head at the disappointments because a person, just like you, is going to mess up, going to do something that doesn’t make sense, going to disappoint you

…but you still love them.

To get to that echelon of love, you have to know someone…more importantly you have to know yourself. People have been telling me for YEARS that you should be friends first…for YEARS! I didn’t listen, I just want that good stuff. LOL

The hardest break up I had was in December. It’s hard to call it a break up but we had something really special. I contributed to the break up in my own gemini ways, but I was deeply disappointed at revelations about my friends behavior. It was hard because I had grown to love her, as our friendship matured our sex become something more. My neighbor asked, “You’re the break up king…why was it so hard to get over her?!”  I said…

“because we were friends.”

SEX

Before you have sex with someone you should understand what it is. Whether is lust, love or just recreational you should respect the difference. Emotions confuse people and lust, or a recreational romp in the bed gets misinterpreted as love…it’s NOT.

As I said earlier, you have to know yourself.

When you’re young and your frenetic hormones are out of control it’s hard to discern what feelings are involved. Sex is an intimate thing, it’s private, and it’s really no one else’s business. As my mom says, “That’s between the both of you and God” If you do have sex with someone, keep it to yourself. Don’t even tell your best friend. To be quite honest, people are going to know anyway. People are going to see your body language and how you interact with each other. It may very well be obvious (shrug shoulders).

My point is our society makes everything about sex and no emotion. That’s not real. Your emotions are real and tangible. How you think, feel and live is a most important thing in your life. Don’t make everything about sex, cause it really could be nothing.

MPM

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
Deepak Chopra

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Go off the grid, disconnect, get a little lost to find yourself.

I’m in the Bahamas.

Wait, I’m skipping ahead.

Last year I was told that there was a “Liveaboard” trip…meaning you go on a yacht, (mine is the Aqua Cat), for a while you live, eat, play and most importantly… DIVE. So, last year I committed to do this for my birthweek. During the trip I would not really have access to wifi and the internet so I also decided to disconnect and go off the grid for this trip. I booked an AirBnB off Collins Ave in Nassau for two days before the trip. I flew down yesterday and had a layover in Miami for about 7 hours.

During that time checking in my flight, I found out that my cousin Kim just moved down there from Norristown, PA, one day ago. She just planned and moved. I am so proud of her. I asked her, “How you going to just roll out?!” She said, “I have to make a change and this is it. I have to do what’s best for me and my son.” She starts her job on Tuesday.  I was like, “Kim…do it” Yesterday she picked me up from the airport and went to get a cheap breakfast and talk. I always felt Kim was a positive person and I felt she was bigger than her shell. To find out she had just moved to Miami 2 days prior, I had to make sure she was cool. She is and will be amazing…if she focuses!!!  (That’s to her..sorry.) Well I landed in Bahamas and “Evie” picked me up with the lighted sign out of baggage claim with my name on it, “Welcome Robert S.” WHAT?!?!  I ALWAYS WANTED THAT!  It’s the little things. Anyway, I planned to go to see the movie, “Alien Covenant” with her and her boyfriend but I found my “Second Wife” Janis and hung with her and her sister Jennifer for my special day. I’m not married but a story behind that. I’ll get pictures later.

I feel handicapped, I can’t Uber, Google, WhatsApp, Facebook, Amazon…nothing. How am I blogging?!? Well for $1.00 a minute at Bahamas Business Solutions on Collins, I logged in with the help of Yolanda, “no relations to Adams” she said. I wanted to reach out, my apologies for the grammatical errors but it’s $1.00 a minute and I’m rushing. LOL.

I think it’s important to travel, I’ve always say that. I think it’s good for people to push their boundaries. Being without my phone has been hard, but to go out and meet people is nothing new. For some of you, this may be a huge challenge. To disconnect and actually ask for directions, find places to eat, being polite or nice to a stranger for no gain…just be nice. It’s humbling, maybe allows you to focus on more important things.

With the aid of technology, being independent is something we find easy, but to actually talk to people, engage and initiate conversations is a lost art, to begin new friendships and relationships is a necessity of life. There’s some things you may find pleasing; making a stranger laugh, accompanying new friends to a movie, being welcomed into someone’s home for a few days. I don’t know maybe that’s just me but I know if feels better to engage people than to stare at a four inch screen in the palm of my hand. The interpersonal skills transfer in the workplace and other relationships. Gives you something to talk about, maybe makes you a little more interesting…maybe makes other people or places more interesting.

It’s crazy but this is what pushing your boundaries is about. I always thing of that quote, “Leaders put themselves situations, followers won’t.”

Anyway, let me go, I get on this boat tomorrow and I have to arrange transfer.

A few helpful hints when exploring:

  • When heading somewhere new, pay attention to landmarks to recognize your way back.
  • It’s important to learn to identify when someone is inquiring to help you or take advantage of you.
  • If you’re staying in a AirBnB, be open to help of fix things around the house.
  • Bring a gift from the “states” for people you may visit.

MPM

middlepassagementor@gmail.com

 

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Movie Review: “Chasing Trane”

I can’t type fast enough.

Out of respect, there are no “spoilers” in this blog. For those of you that knew or know about John Coltrane, I apologize for my ignorance. For those of you curious about jazz or neophytes like myself, please go see this movie.

At least once a month I try to pay respect to art in some way…take myself out of the occupation of life to remember the quality of life. I’ve been challenging my definition of things lately.

I just viewed the 10:50am show of “Chasing Trane” at E Street cinema. The movies there are usually independent and not main stream. When I leave this theater, I’m usually positively provoked or transformed in some way and today was no different…today was exceptional.

“Chasing Trane” is a documentary about John Coltrane. This is what a movie, about musicians… especially jazz musicians, is supposed to be. The backdrop of racial disharmony, drugs, spirituality, love and the evolution of the artistic merits, influences and then finally perseverance.

Having seeing “Miles Ahead”, the biographical movie about Miles Davis, my expectations were low. This is not a denunciation of  Don Cheadle’s work, but the movies are just not artistically, factually or spiritually in the same category. Yes, they’re both biographical movies, but I’m so glad that I viewed “Miles Ahead” first. “Miles Ahead” can easier be compared to “Purple Rain” or  “Thriller” than it should even be mentioned in the same sentence as “Chasing Trane”.  Whether it be educational or entertainment, I love them all for what they represent, but “Chasing Trane” was a journey. I was excited about what I was seeing, like an “Unsung” episode, without the tragic ending. This movie resets a standard for me and I want to see it again.

I don’t allow influences like Rotten Tomatoe ratings or critics tell me what I’m supposed to like. Like everyone…things just taste different. Similar to jazz musicians, you probably won’t understand their walk or their challenges, but you can appreciate those adversities transformed into art.

Throughout watching this movie, if you didn’t grasp what was happening to you, the testimonies of Bill Clinton, Wynton Marsalis, Common, Sonny Rollins, Common, Benny Golson and especially Ben Ratliff and Lewis Porter tethered the viewer to the experience. Carlos Santana is not only a guide in this movie, throughout the journey, the “shaman” helps your spirit through the organic process. Director, John Scheinfeld, fashioned this musical documentary without allowing the narrative to be dominated by one component. The word “documentary” itself is not a good enough label to capture what this movie did to me personally. It was holistic, not because of the facts but the artistic, visual, and photographic montage was almost overwhelming.

There were times when you witnessed fatherhood where I was definitely emotional. His loss at the age of twelve, then to his addiction and evolution as a musician even how he loved. It was a remarkable voyage. There was a scene where you could see something emanating from the band…like an aura…it was really a spiritual thing to witness.

How this is relevant material for my audience?

This movie, hands down, speaks to young black men in every facet of life, but it doesn’t just focus on drugs or love or spirituality or music…it focuses on LIFE. Jazz, like many art forms, is birthed out of adversity and it is a conduit of creativity. Jazz is reverent to me because it’s origins are African-American or black and ancestral to me.  Dr. Cornell West’s words and testimony to the human condition, in this movie, aligns to the black man’s reality in this country. His statements reverberated in my core. The trajectory of a black man’s life can be easily altered by decisions we don’t get to make over. This movie, hands down, speaks about John Coltrane, a black man, who rose out of the ashes to make mistakes, ignite and burn new ashes for himself, and then rise out of those self-inflicted ashes. John ascends to levels of brilliance that challenged the constructs of the very genre he rose to dominate. There’s a comparison to intelligence and Albert Einstein…yes it’s in there. (Ok…one small spoiler) This forward thinking only comes from being courageous enough to embark.

I don’t even have a category for this blog.

People sometimes pose the question:

“Who would you want to meet in history?”

I honestly never had a good answer or not an answer that I felt I believed, but yeah, now I do. Not to ask him questions or converse, but just to hear him, in person, play. Like in the movie, “The Matix”, they say you don’t know a person until you fight them.

Like my singing bowl, I want to feel it travel through my body.

In this case, I just want to hear Mr. Coltrane play and feel it in my soul.

MPM

 

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ALPHA BOULE GIRARD MENTORING PROGRAM CAREER PANEL

Maria Chaney invited me and I agreed to be a part of the panel for the 1st Annual Girard Alumni Career Event as part of the mentoring program tonight. 

The meeting is at my most dearest alma mater, Girard College. I love Girard. I graduated from GC in 1988, afterwards I graduated from Peirce Junior College, Morgan State and American Intercontinental but my heart is with Girard. I don’t got to Peirce, Morgan or AIU events but I support Girard every chance I get. I was honored to be invited to come and talk to the students at my first home away from home. 
Maria mentioned the panelists will have roughly 5-8 minutes to talk. I’m so excited, I hope I can help the students see the world as I see it but what do I tell them?
The topic for the alumni panel will be; (Life after graduating Girard College High School; schools attended if any, and the careers you have now.  Were there any significant changes to your career choice since your first position outside of school?  Were there obstacles you had to overcome?  How did your experience at Girard College help you in your career choice?)
Girard prepared me for diversity and adversity. My experience at GC helped me become a man and responsible a lot faster than if I was in public school. My classmates were my strongest supporters and motivators both directly and indirectly. As Lydell’s roommate, I watched how hard he worked, he wasn’t the smartest in our class but he was the hardest worker and our valedictorian.
Girard was previously all male, “Iron sharpens Iron“.
Being in an all male environment taught me to stand by my actions, move with integrity, and also somehow taught me to be innately driven. In my college life, I was never the smartest person but I was always watching the smart people. Taking the best examples from the best examples and applying those examples to my life.
In my career, I did the same thing. I always made the most of my position in life. I was always trying to make the best out of my situation by watching the people that were already in that situation. I didn’t and don’t let people convince me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t do something. I live to no ones limits…but that’s me. What would I tell a 17 year old me?! At 17, if you told me I would be an Advanced Scuba Diver or Vice President to a national organization and a business owner I would look at you like you’re crazy.
I really look forward to the question session, I hope to get some really hard questions, even some personal questions.
I’m struggling  though, how do I prepare them for this flat world?! What I mean is…25 years ago the United States was my world, but now the U.S. is placed against the backdrop of the world stage. Meaning… our youth are competing against the youth of the world, where foreign students are multilingual and have a diverse understanding of economies and politics. I feel like our youth have unfortunately placed emphasis on sports and entertainment, we’re still the consumers and not the owners and decision makers. Minority college graduation rates are still significantly behind whites.
So I don’t know… I just hope I can reach them and stress how important and great their lives can be. I just want to kids to understand the importance of your decisions and how the can shape your life for better or worst.
MPM
“Being gifted or talented is great but it’s just a waste without the courage to use your gifts.”
 

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