Repairing relationships: Apologize and Forgive

I saw the video of the Magic Johnson Isiah Thomas’ reconciliation.

First…I really didn’t know they had beef, but when I saw the emotions it validated that whatever happened was real.

Second…I was happy to see these two iconic black men, moguls even,  humble enough to apologize. I have nothing but respect for them.

Just think, these two friends, for whatever reason, stop being friends for all those years. Sometimes we get in our feelings about things that really don’t matter, sometimes.

Maybe it mattered at the time and you can be mad but to hold a grudge for years…it’s really not worth that amount of time.  The misunderstanding, communication, joke that went bad…in the grand scheme of things, whatever you’re mad about, it’s not that important to hold on to the anger, let it go.

So…when you’re with your family this holiday season, remember the things that are important, forget the things that are not. I just thought it was important to share.

Lastly…they both joked at the end of the hug, the apology lasted about 3 minutes and it was over that fast. Think of the decades of missed memories between friends, resolved in 3 minutes.

Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas

MPM

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Buying your slavery.

We all like nice things, everyone likes nice things but what does it cost?

No…I don’t mean cost as in the price, I mean the cost of keeping it; the maintenance, interest payments, stress, freedom…yes, freedom.

For example, let’s say after your rent/mortgage, utilities, insurance, food, gas, and entertainment expenses per month you have $1000.00 left. That’s kinda high but whatever.

You have roughly 12,000.00(12k) a year in fun money, that’s assuming you save 10% have retirement and are doing all the things we’re supposed to do. You can go out on a few dates, go to Martha’s Vineyard, travel to Africa, a couple of black ski events, etc. Then you see it, that Z07 Corvette, for a easy $350.00 a month. Why not?!…you have the money and good credit for no down payment. Bang, it’s yours…it’s fun to drive, you increase your gas costs for 93 octane premium gas but you can swing it. Insurance goes up and depending on how you drive, those ultra performance tires at $400.00…EACH are nothing to forget. Yes $400.00 look it up, http://www.tirerack.com.  Yeah you buy tires once over 2 years but it still a expense. So $350.00 car payment, increased gas and insurance cost, before you know it, your fun money has dwindled to about $550.00 a month. Yes, you can still pick up some airline tickets, and hang out but with a little less money, no problem. Then you see it…the Rolex watch, better yet the Breitling watch. How much? $4k, that’s $4,000.00 for something you DON’T need, you want it but you don’t need it. Yes, it’s a nice performance luxury watch but your cell phone can tell the damn time?! Next thing you know, it’s on your wrist with what…No Money Down, for 18 months then it’s 24% interest if you don’t pay it off.

INTERESTn. money paid regularly at a particular rate for the use of money lent, or for delaying the repayment of a debt

So your payment is $222.00 a month, that’s not to bad but just think, we started with $1000.00 a month spending money

– $350.00 Corvette payment

– $222.00 Breitling watch

= $428.00 a month

$400.00 is still not bad but that’s just two purchases for things you DON’T need. You want a $4000.00 watch and your furniture isn’t even paid for yet. You can’t even take your mom on a cruise, take time off from work, you got bills to pay! Now you’re starting the cycle of debt, you can’t even drive the Vette cause you gotta eat and make a living….there’s no traveling, no playing, get your a$$ to work SLAVE!

And that’s my point, be discipline enough to NOT buy things you don’t need. It can wait, your freedom is more important.

No…I’m not saying don’t buy nice things. Just think, if you wait one year, you could have at lease 10k in the bank. With 10k in the bank your stress level is different, you travel more, you can buy the watch straight out and get a decent car until you can afford the Vette. If something goes wrong at work, hours get cut, laid off, you have a few months to fall back…this is what you call saving money for a “rainy day”.

Most of us can buy anything we want, but we can’t afford the lifestyle that comes with it.

I forgot the reason why I wrote this blog…

I saw a Range Rover, I love Range Rovers, I purchased one a couple years ago. My friend Terry told me not to buy it…I didn’t listen…warned me about that maintenance…I didn’t listen…told me it was a piece of s#!&…I didn’t listen. I bought it for about 10k, it was used and old but I loved it…classic. I spent about 7k on repairs in that year. It is a horrible car…loved the ride, nothing like it but that air suspension cost money to repair. It was a 20k lesson in about 15 months. I should have listened. This was all before God blessed me with rain on my commute and someone rear-ended me and totaled it…wooo hooo! Got a pickup truck and left it at that. So take it from me.

Homework: Look up the terms; depreciation, interest rate, credit score, net worth

MPM

“Money buys many things…the Best of which is Freedom” Mary Renault

“The only thing money is good for is to buy your Freedom” Humphrey Bogart

“Money equals Freedom” Kevin O’Leary (Shark Tank: Shark)

“I have a fantastic relationship with money, I use it to buy my freedom”

Gianni Versace

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Love is bigger than sex

DISCLAIMER: I am older, so my views may be seen as old fashioned. This is my opinion based on what I’ve done wrong and in some cases, where I’ve lost the most valuable friendships. My hope and goal, as with all my blogs, is to help you not make the same mistakes I have.

(Deep inhale) Here we go…

LOVE

I think our society is driven by sex, money and power. We try to fit love in there but love has been getting it’s ass kicked by those three. Who you chose to love is really up to you, even if it’s the same gender. I’m surprised to say that but that’s the world we live in. I’ve come to the conclusion that love shouldn’t have prerequisites. If you love someone, it shouldn’t be because they treat you nice or you view them as perfect, because no one is. So the quicker you find the imperfections, the faster you’ll determine how much you love them, if you even love them at all.

It’s taken me several years to recognize that love doesn’t fit in a box. It’s just love. You have to just shake your head at the disappointments because a person, just like you, is going to mess up, going to do something that doesn’t make sense, going to disappoint you

…but you still love them.

To get to that echelon of love, you have to know someone…more importantly you have to know yourself. People have been telling me for YEARS that you should be friends first…for YEARS! I didn’t listen, I just want that good stuff. LOL

The hardest break up I had was in December. It’s hard to call it a break up but we had something really special. I contributed to the break up in my own gemini ways, but I was deeply disappointed at revelations about my friends behavior. It was hard because I had grown to love her, as our friendship matured our sex become something more. My neighbor asked, “You’re the break up king…why was it so hard to get over her?!”  I said…

“because we were friends.”

SEX

Before you have sex with someone you should understand what it is. Whether is lust, love or just recreational you should respect the difference. Emotions confuse people and lust, or a recreational romp in the bed gets misinterpreted as love…it’s NOT.

As I said earlier, you have to know yourself.

When you’re young and your frenetic hormones are out of control it’s hard to discern what feelings are involved. Sex is an intimate thing, it’s private, and it’s really no one else’s business. As my mom says, “That’s between the both of you and God” If you do have sex with someone, keep it to yourself. Don’t even tell your best friend. To be quite honest, people are going to know anyway. People are going to see your body language and how you interact with each other. It may very well be obvious (shrug shoulders).

My point is our society makes everything about sex and no emotion. That’s not real. Your emotions are real and tangible. How you think, feel and live is a most important thing in your life. Don’t make everything about sex, cause it really could be nothing.

MPM

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
Deepak Chopra

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Go off the grid, disconnect, get a little lost to find yourself.

I’m in the Bahamas.

Wait, I’m skipping ahead.

Last year I was told that there was a “Liveaboard” trip…meaning you go on a yacht, (mine is the Aqua Cat), for a while you live, eat, play and most importantly… DIVE. So, last year I committed to do this for my birthweek. During the trip I would not really have access to wifi and the internet so I also decided to disconnect and go off the grid for this trip. I booked an AirBnB off Collins Ave in Nassau for two days before the trip. I flew down yesterday and had a layover in Miami for about 7 hours.

During that time checking in my flight, I found out that my cousin Kim just moved down there from Norristown, PA, one day ago. She just planned and moved. I am so proud of her. I asked her, “How you going to just roll out?!” She said, “I have to make a change and this is it. I have to do what’s best for me and my son.” She starts her job on Tuesday.  I was like, “Kim…do it” Yesterday she picked me up from the airport and went to get a cheap breakfast and talk. I always felt Kim was a positive person and I felt she was bigger than her shell. To find out she had just moved to Miami 2 days prior, I had to make sure she was cool. She is and will be amazing…if she focuses!!!  (That’s to her..sorry.) Well I landed in Bahamas and “Evie” picked me up with the lighted sign out of baggage claim with my name on it, “Welcome Robert S.” WHAT?!?!  I ALWAYS WANTED THAT!  It’s the little things. Anyway, I planned to go to see the movie, “Alien Covenant” with her and her boyfriend but I found my “Second Wife” Janis and hung with her and her sister Jennifer for my special day. I’m not married but a story behind that. I’ll get pictures later.

I feel handicapped, I can’t Uber, Google, WhatsApp, Facebook, Amazon…nothing. How am I blogging?!? Well for $1.00 a minute at Bahamas Business Solutions on Collins, I logged in with the help of Yolanda, “no relations to Adams” she said. I wanted to reach out, my apologies for the grammatical errors but it’s $1.00 a minute and I’m rushing. LOL.

I think it’s important to travel, I’ve always say that. I think it’s good for people to push their boundaries. Being without my phone has been hard, but to go out and meet people is nothing new. For some of you, this may be a huge challenge. To disconnect and actually ask for directions, find places to eat, being polite or nice to a stranger for no gain…just be nice. It’s humbling, maybe allows you to focus on more important things.

With the aid of technology, being independent is something we find easy, but to actually talk to people, engage and initiate conversations is a lost art, to begin new friendships and relationships is a necessity of life. There’s some things you may find pleasing; making a stranger laugh, accompanying new friends to a movie, being welcomed into someone’s home for a few days. I don’t know maybe that’s just me but I know if feels better to engage people than to stare at a four inch screen in the palm of my hand. The interpersonal skills transfer in the workplace and other relationships. Gives you something to talk about, maybe makes you a little more interesting…maybe makes other people or places more interesting.

It’s crazy but this is what pushing your boundaries is about. I always thing of that quote, “Leaders put themselves situations, followers won’t.”

Anyway, let me go, I get on this boat tomorrow and I have to arrange transfer.

A few helpful hints when exploring:

  • When heading somewhere new, pay attention to landmarks to recognize your way back.
  • It’s important to learn to identify when someone is inquiring to help you or take advantage of you.
  • If you’re staying in a AirBnB, be open to help of fix things around the house.
  • Bring a gift from the “states” for people you may visit.

MPM

middlepassagementor@gmail.com

 

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