October 28, 2013 · 2:08 AM

Growing up: The responsibility of maturity.

I received slight criticism for my post on “Navigating YOUR success“.  The feedback was simply that my blog was a little firm, in the manner of over using the capitalization of YOU & YOUR. I started to change some of the wording and then I considered something. The feedback was from a female and I explained to her that my audience is young males. The way a father talks to his son is different than a mother talks to her son. The capitalization is necessary in the context of my previous blog. I want to impart responsibility to my audience. Their success or dare I say survival, is based on them accepting responsibility. The YOU & YOUR was me assigning responsibility to him for his success.

That discussion motivated this weeks blog.

Growing up is a transition. It’s not an; age, tattoo, badge, muscle, or a certain height. It’s not passive or aggressive but you have to accept it. Being a man, growing up is the accumulation of responsibility. Your behavior, actions, and thought process starts to become less dependent and more independent. It could start out with; shoveling the snow, holding your younger siblings hand when crossing the street, washing your own clothes, pumping the gas, learning how to cook your own meals, doing your homework without being told, etc. The list goes on but these are subtle things that contribute to your growth.

Your parent(s) will take pride in not having to do those things for you. It’s not that they don’t want to take care or you, but the would appreciate witnessing you taking on your role in the household. You don’t have to wait for them to stop doing things for you, you can eventually do them on your own. Their son is growing up, it’s a common rite of passage. In a marriage ceremony, the tradition is that the bride is given away by the father. That father wants to give his daughter away to a man. The father is holding you responsible for his daughter’s care, safety, and well being. Before he gives his daughter away, you have to demonstrate your level of responsibility to him. Before you receive a “reward” of a wife, you have to exhibit your financial stability and your individual accomplishments as a human being. He’s balancing his judgement on your demonstration or example of responsibility. At some point and time, you will have to take out the trash, cook, clean, and be financially responsible for your own children, his grand babies. Your acts of responsibility start now with you taking out the dang trash. 🙂

Maturity means standing on your own. It means financially, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually standing on your own. Financial responsibility means you pay your own bills, maintain your residence, earn and spend your money responsibly without the constant help from someone else. You can control your emotions. Your emotions don’t negatively affect someone else. You can navigate in society without emotional outburst that endanger others. You are spiritually balanced. You can grow to pursue your belief system and manage your own realistic expectations without manipulative influence from others. Lastly, your intellectual base is sound. You can make cognitive decisions for you and your family. You are a human being with the individual capacity to contribute to the society.

MPM

Probably the most significant and my first blog bible quote:

1 Corinthian 13:11 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” NIV

-Shoot out to Rashed & Joseph, two young brothers I was teaching how to shake hands today. Etiquette blog subject for next week!

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October 21, 2013 · 6:11 AM

Navigating YOUR success!

I want to help YOU map your life.
I, am not going to map YOUR life. YOU, are going to map YOUR life.
When I say map your life, I mean forecasting your goals to stabilize you in the next phase of life. Your plan won’t be perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. You will make it perfect with a little hard work. I won’t promise it will be easy but I promise it will be something you won’t give up on after you start your plan. It will be your plan. Whether you start your plan now or a little later, the key is you must start your plan. I want to help you understand that the first step has to be completed by you and only YOU. The quicker you understand how significant having a plan is going to be in your life, the faster you want to work at it and grow your plan. Your successes and opportunities will tell you that your plan is working.  It will feel awesome.
This is just the first step of many steps but once you take it, you won’t need to look back. If you ever look back, look back to remember where you were and how you’ve changed. There will be plenty of examples of what you could’ve been if you didn’t take that step. They will be on those corners in the neighborhood, they will be on the couch with a game controller in their hands, they will be in jail, they will be under the influence, they will no longer represent you.
You have to make this plan for you, these are your goals, these are your dreams, you can make them your life.
This is a plan but these are some things you might want to think about in stages.
16 years old:
Start thinking about starting a going to college, the military or a trade school. Figure out what you like to do. If you can get paid to do it, that’s like heaven on Earth. Think about starting your own business, don’t rule that out either. Think about that next step. Yes, “college ain’t for everyone” but I’m 43 now. I know people that are going back to school to get their undergraduate degree NOW. Yes it’s a little late but that’s why I’m telling YOU to do it now. Get a degree finish all that schooling before you turn 25 or if you get your PhD or Master’s degree, get it out the way by the time you turn 28.  The previous 10 years of your life, people have been saying what? “Do good in school!” Well this is why, you have to apply what you’ve learned. Think about what schools you want to send your transcripts to, what branch of service appeals to you, think about that next step NOW.
Visit some college campuses, see and talk to students two years older than you and look at what they are doing on campus. See yourself in that role, reach for it, go for it. These college tours costs about $40.00. Do me a favor, avoid splurging on that latest pair of “Jordans” and put yourself in a new environment. You might will like it. If you don’t like it you might have a nervous energy that you may mistake as fear. It’s not fear, it’s just the realization that you don’t know what’s going to happen next, but it’s an opportunity to make your life better. A changing point in my life was when my friends were going to “I Love Morgan Day” it was in the year 1991 I think  and my buddy T and his cousin A were driving down to Baltimore. T was playing ball for the Air Force and was thinking about transferring to Morgan State University and his cousin Adrian was thinking about transferring too. I didn’t know what kind of school Morgan was but it was a free ride to Baltimore for the day and I didn’t have any other plans that day. I had no expectations of attending Morgan or any college for that matter, but when we got there my eyes were OPENED. I had a 2 year degree but a four year college was definitely the next step for me. They had a campus, I could go where I wanted to go, women had their own rooms, no boys were allowed, but they had windows, LOL. It was like a city of people my age and they all had a plan. Looking back, college was definitely the funnest time of my life.
Another thing, learn to drive! Not just so you can drive to the prom(if your uncle rents a car for you), but just so you have legal identification. You have something that starts to validate you as a person, it’s small but significant. Give that wallet some meaning. When I turned 16, I had this thought in my head that someone was going to buy me a car for my birthday. It didn’t happen, more importantly, no one was willing to sit beside me while I drove their car. My boarding school paid for lessons for me…so I was lucky yet again.
Let me tell all you young men now, this is your life, don’t let someone, anyone talk you out of this. Don’t stay in this box of the unknown cause you’re scared…if you stay scared you will NEVER know. Welcome the fear and push past it. There are adults that are my age that are STILL scared because they didn’t take that first step to explore the possibility. You have to make yourself uncomfortable in a new environment, it matures you. You have to do this…this is life, you can’t become a better man if you don’t put yourself in new environments. There’s a statement I heard and like, “Leaders put themselves in situations, followers simply won’t.” I forgot who said it…sorry but you know what I mean. People told me, “College is for white kids.” or  “The military ain’t for a black man.” If I listened to that, I’d probably still be in Philly living with my mother in HER house.
17 years old:
Please have an idea of what college you’re going to attend, retake the SATs if you want. Try to get a better score. Think about that business, get an LLC…why not? Remember I said get driving lessons, well, with a driver’s license you can rent a car.  My uncle did rent me a car because I had a license. Me, my date and my friends drove to the prom, the insurance cost more per day because I was under 25 years old but the experience was something I would never forget and you won’t either. I rented a car, drove to the prom, drove to Atlantic City with my friends, who rented cars, slept in the cars after walking around the casinos for hours in our tuxedos, and came home the next morning. The next day went all drove to Six Flags in our rented cars We survived the weekend hyped up on 2 hours of sleep and adrenalin from owning a sliver of independence. It was the most fun I had in my life…and I was just turning 18.
18 years old:
First, don’t get anyone pregnant!!! I should have said this for 15, 16, and 17 years old.  When you start to succeed in your plan, people will want you to remain who you are to them, they won’t want you to leave. Get a passport.
Those same people that said, “College is for white kids.” or  “The military ain’t for a black man.” Where are they now? I’ll tell you where they are, the same place they were when they told you last year and they will be there when you return. Those people will still being trying to convince you to not pursue your dreams as you’re achieving them; when you’re walking across the stage to get handed your degree, when you signing your acceptance letter to your job, when you’re signing you contract papers for your home, when you set up your own business and when you get married.
I’ll give you few things to consider when creating a plan.
Try not to do anything the prevents or limits your opportunities tomorrow. For example, getting a tattoo or your face or neck, just don’t do it. Don’t get arrested for anything, the record will follow you. Pay your bills, or at least call the companies that gave you credit. Lastly, don’t let anyone convince you to give up on your dream because they gave up on theirs.
MPM
Ralph Marston
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October 16, 2013 · 8:28 PM

Etiquette 101: “Men walk on the outside”

Etiquette  is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. 

When I was about 17 years old, I was walking down the street with a woman. She was a older woman, of which I had a massive crush on. We were not dating or anything, I wish, but she gave me something that I never forget. We were walking and she didn’t ask, inform, plead, or suggest, she told me, “Men walk on the outside”. I didn’t understand what she was saying at first. I looked at my feet then I looked at her feet, and continued to walk. She then motioned with her hand saying, “Men, pointing at me, WALK on the OUTSIDE, pointing to the other side of her body.” Oooh! ok, so I walked on the outside of her, (the closest to the curb). I felt dumb for not asking what she meant the first time she said it, so I didn’t hesitate to ask the question, “Why?”

Trying to be funny and make her laugh, I said, “Is it because the man gets hit by the car first?” That was dumb, any chances of a kiss went out the door with that immature joke. No, she responded.

She informed me that decades ago people use to throw their garbage out of the window. They didn’t have garbage trucks back then, so at the end of the day, they would wash the streets down with all the garbage running down the sewer. Men also wore a top coat and hat to shield his clothing from any garbage hitting him. I also think that’s why some women, when alone, carried an umbrella. I’m not sure about that so don’t quote me. I performed some searches and found that there was other believable reasons. On a pavement the man walked on the outside to protect the lady from mud splashes from carriages. I’ve also heard that when a man is on the inside, there’s a perception that woman is for sale, and he’s her pimp. On other occasions the man walked on the right so as to leave his sword arm free, and to have space to use it. The sword was worn on the man’s left, but unsheathed with the right hand. Also, this allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. Yeah it’s kinda messed up but I would have gladly taken a plunge of muddy water for that woman. All in the name of being a gentlemen. In modern times, we can just say, it makes it easier for the woman to window shop. LOL Yeah we don’t carry swords anymore, or drive carriages but etiquette goes a long way.

Lastly, I get the most compliments on something that comes from the instruction of a woman. I’m not saying that men haven’t taught me many useful things, but when I get compliments about something I’ve done correctly or different than other men, usually a woman told me to do it. It’s just like when I get my haircut, I usually go to the only female barber in Walls barbershop in DC. She cuts my hair the way she likes it, she’s a woman so I would safely bet that other women might like the way it looks. Similar to when your mother gives you fashion tips, you might want to listen to her rather than your boys. I’m getting off topic, just walk on the outside!

MPM

“Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back”

— Thomas Sowell

“Etiquette is the fine tuning of education”

— Nadine Daher

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October 13, 2013 · 3:46 PM

The POTUS and MLK

POTUS: President of the United States

MLK: Martin Luther King Jr.

I had the pleasure of experiencing the inauguration activities on January 21st 2013. When I think of President Barack Hussein Obama and Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior I think of exceptional men and exceptional leadership. These two men are the epitome of  integrity and character. When you think of setting the standard, these two men, are the standard.  Martin defined the core of the black American. Martin helped the black American identity equal all other races when we were considered less than human. Martin helped all blacks empower themselves and move together for a unification of all races equally. Obama represents the United States as a President who is black. Obama shattered the glass ceiling dominance of white men over the highest elected office in this country.

There is no longer any limitation on a position a black man can attain. There are no more excuses why any black man or woman can’t be the President or be great in any endeavor. Martin was a great black leader, Obama is a great leader who happens to be black. There is a difference but neither is higher or lower in stature as a leader or an individual but both were exceptional without question. The common man like you or I share the dream of Martin and reap the benefits of Obama’s example as a father, husband, leader, President and a man. We see the completeness of a human being in all facets of their character, actions, and accomplishments. I’m content in my endeavors and accomplishments. I’m living a blessed life and have no regrets for my actions…my plan A is working out.

2 Sides of the same coin.

So…what about you mentee? What are you going to do with the example the President has established? Are you exceptional? Are you brave enough to be exceptional? To be exceptional means to be different, to go against the grain, to follow your own path, to be “uncool”.  So…to be exceptional you are studying when everyone else is partying. You are listening to your parents instruction and doing your homework when everyone is playing Xbox. You can walk away from a trouble and not go along with ignorance. Your lifestyle favors hard work and doing what’s right. Regardless of your situation you have to see yourself out of it. You have to look at every challenge dead in its eyes and charge into it…it makes you resilient. Make a habit of putting yourself in situations that make you feel uncomfortable…speaking in front of people, raising your hand to ask a question, volunteering to be the leader, it only will strengthen you. Get use to the feeling of accomplishment…set high goals for yourself. After you fear something, you have a choice; you can let it defeat you by not trying or you can push past that fear and keep trying. Trying and not succeeding is not failure…failure is giving up totally. Sure there are going to be people, sometimes your relatives and friends, that will try to convince you not to try…don’t listen to them. You may not succeed the first time, but I guarantee you’ll learn something to get closer to succeeding next time.

Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying…being exceptional doesn’t guarantee you will be famous or rich…no…a possibility yes, definitely.  It does mean that you will have more opportunities to be famous or rich than anyone else.  You life will be rich with experiences and people that are visionaries and thinkers from all walks of life. I’m from North Philadelphia, the hood, I spent the majority my life in the city. Looking back, I wouldn’t ever have thought I would have gone golfing in Bermuda, presented to high ranking generals in the military, scuba diving and petting sharks in Belize, met the Premier of Bermuda, zip-lining from mountain top to mountain top over a rainforest in Puerto Rico, snorkeling in Aruba, partying in Carlos and Charlies in Cozumel or snowboarding in Colorado. So get your life started, put yourself out there…the world is waiting for you. Do you want to play the game or sit or sit on the bench? To be exceptional begins here…it begins with who you want to be, not who you are.

Quote: “Leaders put themselves in situations, followers simply won’t”

MPM

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