November 26, 2013 · 4:06 AM

Break away from the pack (Blog 1 of 2)

I was visiting my local Chic Fil A restaurant and there was a young black employee who ended the transaction with the phrase,  “My Pleasure”. His friends were in the lobby of the restaurant and they were laughing hysterically at him. The “My Pleasure” comment is kinda corny but it’s the company policy, everyone said it. I could see the laughing kinda bothered him. I said to the young brother, “Don’t worry about them laughing bro, at the end of the day you’ll have money in your pocket and they’ll be still trying to find a job, trust me.”

I was thinking back to my days in college when I worked at the Hechingers during my days at Morgan State. The same thing happened to me…I was working as a cashier and my classmates walked pass laughing and pointing at me while I was ringing up customers in my blue uniform. It didn’t bother me much…I thought it was funny. It was a vindication the next week when one of those friends laughing asked me if Hechingers was hiring.

The first job is significant to creating your identity. It’s that first step away from the allowance or asking relatives for money to becoming independent. There’s a fear of stepping out on your own, beginning your own journey. It’s the fear of leaving the safety of your friends to possibly being different than your friends. There’s that point where you go your own way and sometimes, most times, the path is a solo path. Leaving the comfort of friends is sometimes “uncool”, but you have to do it. It’s necessary to understand your unique talents and strengths as an individual. Your real friends will adjust to the change, whether you’re seen as uncool or not, your real friends won’t treat you any different. They will support your courage to try something new. Those other people or “friends” might try to talk you out of it or  hate on you or treat you different, leave them alone, they were never your real friends in the first place. Those people don’t matter and they never will. Once you weed those people out, it will become easier to weed out any possible obstruction to your goal.

For example, some entertainers or celebrities start out in a group or duo. Some started out as rappers and became business owners or actors. Phil Collins started out with Genesis, Beyonce started with Destiny’s Child, Busta Rhymes, Q-Tip, Justin Timberlake, Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Ice Cube, George Michael and Lil Wayne all started out in a band or group. Most them faced deep opposition and criticism to them leaving the group. Two people that stick out to me are Ice Cube and Will Smith, I remember these two because Cube was called a sell out because he left NWA and Will’s rap wasn’t “hard” enough. Will’s big hit was “Parents just don’t understand” it was the first rap to ever win a grammy. Will and Cube were both pioneers with going from rapping to acting. Will commands well over 20 million dollars a movie now, do you think it was a smart decision? Now all rappers try to get into acting. Some rappers are now titans in business. Shawn Carter(Jay-Z) net worth 500 million, Curtis Jackson(50-cent) net worth 125 million, Christopher Bridges (Ludacris) net worth 70 million are iconic in their successes. All of these rappers didn’t necessarily leave a group but the set out on an endeavor that was their own.

In the movie, “After Earth”, there’s a pivotal point where Jaden Smith’s character, Katai Raige, has to either come back to the ship and hope to be rescued and die with his father or go alone past the point of no return to get a access to emergency supplies and a beacon. Katai had to face environmental, physical and emotional challenges but he faces them alone and survives to rescue his father.

This symbolic point where manhood is taken in a great leap is very real and it’s very necessary.  You alone have to embark on this journey. This leap into masculinity is a obligation of all young men, prepare for it. There’s this break away point, where the eagle leaves the nest, where the young lion leaves the pride. To get those riches and successes and possibly become your own iconic symbol you have to break away from the pack.

MPM

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Next Blog: Learning how to lead (Blog 2 of 2)

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November 18, 2013 · 5:24 AM

My brother just got out of jail.

I have been wrestling with the idea that maybe this subject is too personal. I’ve been trying to find some sort of positive way to blog about my brother Jason and how do I convey some lesson for my audience. I was going to title the blog something corny like, “The Jail Experience” or something that doesn’t completely align with me. Then I realized that my brother and I are in a happier place and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. People put jail and their loved ones in the back of their heads like jail doesn’t exist or your loved one “went away”.  The simple truth is, it hurts the inmate and it hurts the people they love. So I rested on the plain and simple fact, my brother just got out of jail. I hope that my brother doesn’t take offense, this is just a way to say I love him and I’m glad he’s out.

When we were younger and living together, it was our best years. The Christmas’ when I would run halfway down the stairs and remember he was still sleep in our room and I would run back up stairs and wake him up so we could run down the stairs together. We had different fathers but that was never an issue. Our mom and my father were not married, my father was killed when I was about 2 years old. Later, I went to live with my grandfather, Pop Pop and Jay stayed with his dad and our mom in Philly. Those were the awesome years for my mom, her new husband and my brother Jay. I know the American dream existed for my mom during this time period. I’m pretty sure my brother is the favorite, she won’t admit it. I don’t resent what they had, I just remember my mom in those years, and she was happy. It was the early 80’s and things were good for her.

Jay was the youngest and I would protect him at all costs. I remember the time when I had to go attempt to kick some butt for him at his school. These two kids were bullying him. So I came to school one day and I told him to point them out to me. He nervously pointed them out and I said, “Come on!” I walked up on the two with my fists balled and said, “My brother said y’all keep messing with him.” They looked at me and said, “Who’s your brother!?” I turned to my side pointing at what I expected to be my brother but what turned out to be an empty spot on the sidewalk, realizing my brother was 30 feet behind me, behind a car, peeking. Hilarious…needless to say, he didn’t have any more problems at school. When I left Jersey and came back to Philly things were different. My mom was no longer with Jay’s dad and we could feel the sting of a single parent household. We were still together me and Jay but the difference in our upbringing was taking shape. It wasn’t good or bad, just different. We were slowly stepping into our own levels of maturity. He grew up with the influences of Tupac and those dark years after ‘Pac got out of jail. I could see my brothers influences and where I may have had the wrong perception of him or just simply misunderstood his struggle. My grandmother, my mom, our new infant sister, and Jay visiting on the weekends, all in a one bedroom apartment was motivation to become a man with my own, quickly. I was off to Morgan State University to get away from the hood and my family’s struggle with the damages of crack. 

When I was at college getting my undergraduate degree, his life, through bad decision after bad decision, was unraveling. I was helpless to do anything. I couldn’t drop out and move back to Philly nor could he come down to live with me, not yet.  I found out later that he felt that I left him in Philly. For a long time I was hurting with that knowledge because I wanted my brother to be with us, his family. I was the oldest trying to set the best example and he wasn’t following my example.

He ended up in jail. I never forgot the day I received the collect phone call from the department of correction on my cell phone. I was in line at a water park on Eisenhower Ave, in Alexandria VA. I didn’t know how to accept the phone call, and even if I did, what was I going to do? I was with my friend Leslie and her son, my Godson. I told them to go in and I went and sat down on the curb. That was one of the lowest points in my life. I remember looking at the phone still trying to get the call back, holding onto the cell trying to block out the image of my brother in jail. I felt like the cell phone was my heart and I couldn’t put it back in my body and it was dying.

Anyway, after all the letters and me sending money and keeping him optimistic, I saw him yesterday. I hugged him so hard…we talked laughed and made plans for the future. He’s mature now…I mean, he gets it. All those arguments during the Tupac years and him being in the streets are over.  I’m so proud of him. Now I have the means to help him and get the family back together. I mean we’re together, but he’s gotta come up to speed on some plans we have for the family. He’s a grown man, responsible and focused. When I dropped him off at the halfway house, I was sizing him up to the other brothers returning to the facility and I could see a difference. It wasn’t good or bad, just different, and I liked what I saw this time.  Jail can rehabilitate but I would hope that any young man avoids jail, prison, reform school or any corrective institution. It’s not cool. Rappers glorify prisons, jails, correctional facilities as some sort of ignorant rite of passage but it’s not! All you males curious about jail, it’s not college, it’s not the military and there’s no freedom. My brother didn’t come out of jail as a famous rapper with a record deal. Rick Ross or Little Wayne weren’t there waiting in a limo poppin’ bottles splashing expensive champagne on bikini clad women ready to pick him up. He came out of that place alone, starting over with some significant disadvantages, no resume, no girlfriend and no job. Luckily, he has a family that loves him and will help him get on his feet and get his life started. He’s on probation for 5 years but by then we’ll have this business started. I have the whole word to show him and I can’t wait. Take from the blog, the lesson of mistakes but more importantly, the lesson of family and starting over. Your family loves you in the best way they can, and when everyone else fails you, you always have family. Appreciate them now and don’t make the same mistake.

MPM

I love you Jay…don’t worry, I got you and you ain’t heavy. Shorne

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November 7, 2013 · 9:33 PM

Movie Review: “American Promise”

American Promise

No spoiler alert here!

Yesterday, I was sent a link for a movie trailer:  http://www.americanpromise.org/. At first when I visited the site, I was thinking, “another sad story about our youth”. After I watched the trailer I said, “I have to see this movie, TONIGHT”  Last night I went to E Street Cinema downtown DC to watch the 7:30pm show of American Promise. http://www.landmarktheatres.com/Index.htm  The E Street venue usually shows really good quality movies that don’t just follow status quo of what is comfortable for society. You’re not going to see the blockbuster movies here but you will come away with a good discussion piece from just about any movie there. E street shows movies that hit home with a cinematic candor that you don’t want or need watered down.  The really good stories about the black experience are rarely on the major venues so I was hopeful and curious last night.

I’m not going to spoil the movie for anyone nor am I going to become a critic and inject my own opinions. My blog will always be positive so here goes.

I wasn’t overwhelmed with this movie,[that’s a bad way to start] but wait. 🙂  I didn’t come away with some new understanding of my own childhood or revelation about being a man. As a grown man, I could comprehend what was happening in the movie. The stages of maturity represented in the movie were not something foreign to me. However, to any young black male, this movie has a value beyond any movie I’ve seen. It takes the viewer through a candid journey from adolescence to maturity. You, the viewer, witness the happiness, sadness, perseverance, and triumph in the incremental years of a maturing young man. You see the repercussions of decisions both good and bad. A young black boy has an evolving comprehension, and this movie provides two real life examples of the “middle passage”. The evolution of Idris and Seun would help any young black male in these “middle passage” years navigate a little better. “American Promise” walks you through the lives of Idris and Seun. It takes you through the challenges they face through their educational timeline. The movie provides a platform where any young viewer can examine the parallels of their own lives and possibly replicate the triumphs. Any adult can appreciate this movie, but young black boys NEED to see this movie. If you have children, especially young black boys, take them to see this movie!

The movie wasn’t overwhelmingly racial, not at all. To whites without an understanding of the black experience, some movies can be slightly abrasive. Don’t get me wrong, some movies NEED to be abrasive to give a circumstance the proper relevance.  In this movie, the message was not lost in the offensiveness of the implied guilt of racism. For the average white person that may not have an understanding of the experience, this movie has a topical amount of the racial dispute. You don’t get lost in a militant message that massages just one race or gender. I was impressed by how the movie touched on so many relevant discussions and categories that parallel my concerns for our young men. I could not resist blogging about it to hope that others see this movie.

American Promise

My motivation for setting up this blog is to assist young positive black boys to manhood. I don’t exclude anyone but my target audience is young black boys. To my followers you all know this…and thanks for continuing to follow. I’ve never used the blog for a movie review but I must endorse this movie based on an aligned objective of helping young black boys.

MPM

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November 4, 2013 · 1:45 AM

Etiquette 101: The handshake

Etiquette  is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.

Typically, the first physical contact a man has with another man is the handshake. The VERY first impression is the handshake before you utter a word from your mouth. From the moment you lock palms, there’s an unspoken influence or a perception of who you are as a person. If you give a weak handshake, the person receiving your flimsy handshake might think you’re a weak man.  If you don’t look him in the eyes, when you give him a limp handshake, you are a very weak man. It sounds a little harsh but it’s true. If you give me a soft handshake, I may not respect you. Take this first interaction as an opportunity to make a statement. Don’t put your hand out if you’re not going to use it correctly. I may not take you serious. I may even interpret it as you disrespecting me. Yeah it’s weird, awkward even, but it’s one of those unwritten rules as a man. Women shake hands differently than men, there’s a different meaning. I’m talking about the formal handshake, I’m not talking about the one where you hug with the other arm at the same time.

I learned late in my life about the handshake. The subliminal message that’s conveyed in the handshake is present, relevant, and real. It’s the introduction to a meeting and it’s the punctuation of an agreement. Growing up I never looked people in the eye, I don’t know why but I think it was a indication of my confidence. What’s unfortunate is that people saw this about me and I didn’t know it. If I didn’t look them in the eye, it was almost like people knew something about me that gave them an edge, and I didn’t like it. I noticed it after I shook hands with men that appeared confident. I realized that confidence in their firm handshake. The nonverbal communication that happens in physical touch is significant. A handshake is perhaps the winning statement in a job interview, meeting a father for the first time, or walking across the stage to receive your diploma and shake hands with the dean.

I learned about the significance of my handshake and understood it’s meaning and usefulness in my life. I’m hoping that you learn from my inexperience, and take advantage of this knowledge. In a business setting, when you meet any man or woman for the first time, grab their hand by locking the “webbing” between your thumb and index finger with their “webbing”. Firmly GRAB their hand, LOOK them in the eyes, and SHAKE their hand. Do it like you mean it, or don’t do it at all. Be confident, be sure of yourself, it’s nothing to be scared of and there’s nothing to lose.

A handshake affects opinions, careers, and relationships. The handshake can be an; agreement, confirmation, partnership, bond, friendship, celebration. It’s an gauge of confidence, strength, and leadership in one physical act. It’s a judgment of your character. Be confident be firm, but most importantly do it right, THE FIRST TIME.

MPM

Next Etiquette 101: Speaking Up

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