March 17, 2015 · 2:04 PM

Ending a relationship.

Relationships, whether it’s a job, girlfriend or friendship may and will come to an end. Friendships may end because a person moved away or went off to another college or you just stopped hanging with them. You may have had a disagreement or something but that doesn’t mean you are no longer friends. If that disagreement went against what you believe in, then maybe you end the friendship, maybe not. I have a friend that is cheap and it gets on my nerves but he gives good advice about money. I don’t end the friendship because of his “tight fisted-ness” but I know when it comes to money and giving, we’re going to disagree and that’s okay.  I have a friend that doesn’t communicate well but he’s very dependable when it’s time to help me move. If I call him, he’s there and I appreciate that. Yeah, he says he invited me to his wedding but I didn’t know until I got pictures of him on the beach in the Bahamas with white on. Again, he communicates poorly but he’s one of the most dependable people I know. I don’t end the friendship over personality traits that annoy me. I got my own issues that people tolerate and I’m sure I annoy people. I can be judgmental sometimes but for some reason, people still like me. Now…if a friend steals or is a liar then I can’t be your friend. I can trust a cheap person or a person that doesn’t communicate but I can’t trust a liar or thief. Even if I choose to keep a friend that has a problem telling the truth, it’s ultimately my decision to continue to associate with them. If I deal with them I understand the risks and consequences if things go wrong.

Quitting a job is similar to ending friendships or relationships. When you started that job, you were excited, you were meeting new people and everyone was nice to you. After you settled in the position, you found out the work atmosphere was draining and the pay wasn’t as much as you thought because you had to pay for your benefits. Similar to committing to the relationship, changing jobs shouldn’t be done hastily. I’m not saying don’t quit your job or look for better opportunity but know what you’re getting yourself into. I would equally say don’t be afraid of looking for a better opportunity and don’t get too comfortable. When you do transition look at what you’ve learned about the job and position. Understand what you like about the job, and prioritize your must haves, your deal breakers. Don’t become disrespectful or change how you treat people at the job. Keep up the appearances that everything is fine. Don’t be angry and ruin your reputation in the process. I remember a position I had where I coordinated two teams, one lead was racist and he had a hard time receiving advice from me. The other lead was easy to deal with and the progress his team made in comparison was obvious to the management. I didn’t get any awards and wanted to lash out at the “racist” lead. When I announced my departure the “easy” lead sent me an email compliment that I’ll never forget. He mentioned that if I ever was looking to move again, look him up. He had his own company and know that I made that much of an impression on him, made me feel good. If you stay at one job all your life, you never know what’s out there. It’s not a bad thing but adversity makes you better, it gives you an understand of who you are. You need change to grow and know your strengths and weaknesses.

Ending a relationship is the toughest of all three. Ending a relationship is a hard decision, just as committing to a relationship shouldn’t be done hastily. There’s feelings involved and expectations somehow not met. It’s not anyones fault, it’s just a decision to go on or not. It’s not just your feelings but the other persons feelings too. You feel responsible to them but you have to be honest with yourself about why you’re ending it. It could be reverse, she could be breaking up with you. You’re going to be mad and upset but if you see things aren’t getting better then let her go. It’s selfish to want someone to be with you if they aren’t happy. Just as if you’re not happy, ask yourself, “Why?”…and “What are you going to do about it?” Regardless of the outcome you have to be honest. No fighting no abuse of any kind, just end it as friends. You’ll be hurt…she’ll be hurt but if the both of you are not completely happy, then decisions have to be made.  Ultimately it comes down to marriage and the rest of your life. Are you happy and can you live to this level of happiness for the rest of your life. Listen to me…the rest of your life, that’s a long time. Similar to a new job, you can’t go into this hastily. It doesn’t matter who in your family, likes them or doesn’t like them, this is the rest of YOUR life. This past month, I was a witness to a divorce and it was depressing. It wasn’t depressing to be a part of it, it was depressing to see all these other people going through the emotional process in that courtroom on that day in that time slot. The funny thing I had to be a witness to the same person that “told me” about his wedding in the Bahamas….crazy. He’s happier and so is she. They didn’t have any kids and luckily it’s an easy break. Yes, the emotions are there but that pain will subside. Everyone says their prepared to get married but few people even contemplate divorce.  So whether it’s a job, friendship or a relationship go about it with your eyes open and honest with yourself.

“If I get married, I want to be very married.”
― Audrey Hepburn

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
― Albert Einstein

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February 9, 2015 · 6:24 AM

Greatness starts with failure

When we look at Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, or Arthur Ashe we see a finished product. We see Olympians, world champions, we see greatness.

We don’t see Ali, Cassius Clay, as a kid with dyslexia, struggling with reading and barely graduating high school. We don’t see the kid from Wilmington, NC, his “Airness” that got cut from the varsity basketball team. Arthur Ashe’s mother died when he was six years old, we don’t see that pain and perseverance. Those challenges are unappreciated but that was Ali, MJ, and Arthur Ashe before they were known as great.

Greatness at its beginning is unpopular. It’s strict rules of getting home in 12 minutes after school. It’s studying harder, it’s working harder, it’s extra laps in the sun, missing shots in the rain, it’s waking up at 5am to jog 7 miles. Before all the glory of being great, there’s moments of failure and days of pain. Greatness doesn’t start with success, it starts with failure. Before sticking that perfect landing in gymnastics, it begins with blisters on your hands. Before winning one round in a fight it begins with hundreds of push ups and getting punched in your face. What we don’t see is that frustration of failure turn into motivation.

Where does greatness end? I don’t believe it never really ends, not in the end zone, finish line or on the gold medal podium. The key to greatness is where it begins. It begins with you getting up instead of hitting snooze, it begins with being the last one in the library, or the first one to practice, the only person not trying or using marijuana. When you rush home to pick up a book to study instead of turning on a game console. Yes, it’s lonely in the beginning. It begins at the learning from the failure of trying something new. There’s a quote the goes something like, “Failure is not trying and being unsuccessful, failure is not trying at all.”

So before you can be the greatest in the Olympics, Wimbledon or the Superbowl on the world stage for everyone to see, you have to learn how to fail by yourself and get back up. At it’s core greatness begins with developing better habits that teach you how to be better than everyone else. When I say everyone else, think about it…EVERYONE else.

MPM

Start where you are, Use what you have. Do what you can. -Arthur Ashe

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” -Michael Jordan

I hated every minute of training, but I said, “Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” -Muhammad Ali 

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation. -Arthur Ashe

“To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail.” -Michael Jordan

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” -Michael Jordan

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.
-Muhammad Ali 

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January 21, 2015 · 5:40 AM

Etiquette 101: Social media

Etiquette: is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. _______________________________________________________________________________

Social media has become a part of our lives, it’s unavoidable. Now that it’s here, if you have an account, you might want to be aware of how you use your account. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, About.me, Blackplanet, MySpace, LinkedIn, and Pinterest are just a few sites. Let’s try something…don’t look at them as media sites, look at them as windows to your life. If you have an account on these sites, you are granting access to your; opinions, moods, friends, successes, failures…your life. You’re opening windows and once they’re open, you may not be able to close them.

You want to be cautious about what you share on Facebook (864 million active daily users or 1.3 billion monthly users)…yes billion!   Different parts of your life can be shared, some things shouldn’t. There’s an implied etiquette to how you use social media but unfortunately there’s no class to help you post appropriately. There’s no rules or no one advising you of how to use social media.

Social media is like being your own paparazzi on your own life.   I’m not going to say what not to post but hopefully, you’ll understand and think about the impact and possible repercussion of what you share.  I think back to my teenage years and laugh at all the crazy things I did and how relieved I am that we did NOT have social media back then. I also reminisce on how much I didn’t know and my reckless actions. Luckily, many of those ignorant juvenile statements were not recorded on social media. I don’t have many regrets in my memories of my youth, but the ones I do have are not recorded somewhere on the internet. My militant Public Enemy(rap group) or college party days are not  recorded somewhere on the cloud. Fortunately for everyone the 80’s are only recorded on non digital photos. :o)

It’s easy to recover from something that could be embarrassing but to have something that you’re ashamed of, is a different animal. Those shameful things tend to have the most hits and seem to constantly reappear. A girlfriend at 16 years old that I professed to marry on Facebook could be kind of embarrassing knowing that we broke up days later, or being locked up for stolen tags on your uncles car that you borrowed to drive your cousin to Yeadon is shameful, funny but still shameful. Just like sitting on train tracks helping a cousin, the same cousin, try to put some clarity to his recent breakup. Yes I said, sitting on train tracks. I won’t say his name because it’s funny between us. It’s not for everyone to know it’s private.

Privacy (from Latin: privatus) is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves, or information about themselves, and thereby express themselves selectively. The boundaries and content of what is considered private differ among cultures and individuals, but share common themes.

That’s my point, you’ll find out quick who your real friends are by seeing what they share about you. There are people that are clueless and will post things not to be malicious but just didn’t consider what could happen. You could even go to jail over something shared over the internet. Read this post: https://middlepassagementor.com/2013/12/02/1-bad-decision-can-alter-your-life/

Also think about employers as a part of the billion users. Do you want the people that employ you to see your posts?

Epic FB Mistake

Epic FB Mistake

Do you want them to see you drinking at a party…how about drunk and passed out? Not a good look, just as the friend who posted the “passed out” you, is not your real friend. Can drinking be interpreted as reckless, irresponsible, or habit forming? Will your future employer understand your partying ways?

Can your associations be viewed the same as you? Will your white friends understand the racists or militant views of your friends? Will you black friends approve a Dixie flag on you friends page. Will it change your relationship? It shouldn’t but don’t be surprised if it does.

Even now with the Facebook privacy policies and facial recognition, it’s become scary to me.  Before you post anything, it comes down to one simple question: Can you be proud of everything you share?

MPM

“Just because something is publicly accessible does not mean that people want it to be publicized.” Unknown

“If you have something that you don’t want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.” – Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google

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January 8, 2015 · 12:13 AM

My only annual blog: New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolution = Self Improvement

The point of this blog is not to get you to have the perfect resolution. The purpose is for you to understand the path to getting better through your resolutions. You have to examine yourself and target what’s lacking and make it better. I want you to get moving towards your goals through an internal assessment of who you are and who you want to be. I’m personally never content in one space when I know I can do better. I try to keep moving forward in my attitude, my position and my vision. Nothing worth getting happens overnight, so start working towards that goal. Before I get into resolutions, let me first examine the purpose of resolutions so we all can understand how resolutions originated and what they should be.

There are several origins of new years resolutions;

The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.

The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named. The Romans believed Janus could forgive them for the wrongdoings in the previous year. They would make promises, believing that Janus would see this and bless them in the years ahead.

In the Medieval era, the knights took the “peacock vow” at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.

At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions.

Thanks Wikipedia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My interpretation of a resolution is some vow or commitment to better yourself. I’ve learned to make my resolutions realistic. For example, “Being a millionaire by the end of the year” is not a resolution, it may be a goal but how realistic is that really? Now if you resolve to “Save ten percent of your income by the end of the year”, that’s a good attainable resolution. Shoot maybe by the end of 10 years saving 10 percent, you may be a millionaire.

My point is that all resolutions aim at making yourself better, self-improving, and becoming a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As a young man, I had role models like; my uncle, grandfather and my mother’s boyfriend. As some sort of rite of passage, I always tried to think of a resolution that would make me better as a man or husband. I mean, they knew things about cars that I didn’t know so I would learn from them. My grandfather was a hard worker so I would try to work harder and not give up quick like I usually did. My mother would say, “Don’t half do it, do it until it’s complete”.

I’ve committed to several resolutions over the past 20 years or so. This is a list of resolutions as far as I can remember.

  • Clean up my room more
  • Take out the trash when asked the first time
  • Learn how to swim
  • Get my driving permit
  • Learn how to jump-start a car.
  • Learn how to drive
  • Get a passport
  • Pay off my Macy’s credit card
  • Get accepted to college
  • Study 4 times a week
  • Learn how to cut my own hair
  • Get a part-time job while in school
  • Learn how to drive a manual transmission
  • Don’t have any babies before I graduate college
  • Don’t smoke any weed
  • Graduate college
  • Purchase a home
  • Travel outside the country
  • Pray more
  • Volunteer/Mentor with an organization
  • Pay my taxes on time
  • Don’t get any speeding tickets
  • Start my own company
  • Join a church
  • Lose 10 lbs
  • Learn how to scuba dive
  • Tithe regularly
  • Eat red meat 1 time a week
  • Join a dive club
  • Run for office of my volunteer chapter
  • Learn muay thai
  • Don’t send out emails without proofreading
  • Run for an office position of my national volunteer organization
  • Start a mentoring blog

All of the previous resolutions were goals at one time. I can honestly say all of them were successfully completed.

My resolutions for 2014 were:

  • Be positive, regardless of the situation be positive…make the situation better not worse
    • I think I’m at about 75%
  • Control my temper…be quick to listen, slow to speak…2 ears 1 mouth
    • Also about 75%
  • Wake up at 7am
    • Nailed it…although I didn’t say get out of the bed.
  • Learn Spanish
    • Carrying this over to the this year
  • Pay off all my credit cards…I paid them off once, gotta do it again
    • Umm paid all of them off but one by Dec 30th by Jan 1st I’m trying to pay off two
  • Do not purchase any clothing
    • Let me try this again
  • Go to Costco 1 a month…tops
    • Nailed it
  • Blog once per week
    • Nope
  • Learn to ice skate
    • Yup
  • Finish screenplay
    • Didn’t even start
  • Select 3 places I would live abroad (Bermuda, 1 down 2 to go.)
    • Still can’t think of anywhere but Bermuda, South America is a close second and maybe Capetown

Well, it’s the beginning of the year and I want to put out some resolutions that I plan on sticking to for the duration of the year. I have the intention of focusing on habits instead of goals. If I change my habits, then quite possibly I’ll meet my goals.

Listed in priority order.

  • Focus on my spirituality and less on religion
  • Read 3 books
  • Learn Spanish
  • Watch less tv
  • Be positive, regardless of the situation be positive…make the situation better not worse
  • Control my temper…be quick to listen, slow to speak…2 ears 1 mouth
  • Pay off all my credit cards…I paid them off once, gotta do it again
  • Let me try this again…do not purchase any clothing!…except boxer briefs
  • Interview celebrities for my blog
  • Finish 3 screenplay
  • Investigate 3 places I would live abroad (Bermuda, South America and Capetown)
  • Maintain 15% body fat
  • Focus on wealth building not money
  • Be happy!
If get these goals finished and by the end of the week, month, or year, I’ll have another set of goals. Even if I don’t get these goals finished, I’ll be better. Being better doesn’t mean being perfect, it means making progress and maturing.
MPM
“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often.”
Winston Churchill
Next blog: Social Media

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