Middle Passage Mentor

Now, finally all those little things you take for granted.

Sorry if I repeat some of the issues from last two blogs about etiquette.

Getting dress for work? Put that fancy expensive cologne down, leave it for the club. I know it smells good but don’t wear it at work. You’re going to be in an office for 8 hours, no one wants to smell it for eight hours. If you have something that has a VERY light scent, possibly one squirt, don’t push it with multiple sprays.

Do not ever compliment a woman by email or verbally. Just don’t do it, if someone hears the compliment, and is offended by what you said, you could be hit with a lawsuit. It sounds stupid until you’re explaining to your wife why you lost your job. I know someone who it happened to, don’t do it.

Opinions about presidential candidates…keep to yourself. To be honest, any political discussions, any discussions about race leave it alone. Why…because eventually someone is going to disagree. In a perfect world people can disagree but we don’t live in a perfect world. You would like to keep your job and if you tick the wrong person off, you might lose your job. I know it shouldn’t be this way, but again, we don’t live in a perfect world.

Keep your personal life personal, arguments with your significant other, don’t talk about it, don’t even share their name. Why? Well, let me share my experience…

I came back to my desk after lunch and I had a couple of messages both from my girlfriend saying, “Call me”. I could hear something was wrong in her voice. When I called her back the first thing she ask was, “Who is Stacy?” My girls name is Megan. I said, “What are you talking about?” She said, “Your coworker answered the phone and asked me, “Is this Stacy?””

…and that’s why you don’t share names with coworkers. I wasn’t cheating, if that’s what you’re thinking, but it’s difficult explaining why my ex has my number and why she still calls me.

Perception is everything.

When you’re walking the hall, carry something in your hand, it could be a portfolio or notebook. Carrying something in your hand gives the impression that you’re busy off to a meeting, working or always prepared. You might just be wasting time stretching your legs but they don’t have to know.

Lateness:

My mom used to tell me, “If you’re late coming into work, don’t look like it.” Call in and tell them, “I’m running a little late.” Take the time to iron your shirt, put some lotion on your face. Don’t get to work looking stressed, work will be there. Do not try to be on time, try to be early.

Don’t expose too much personal information. My coworkers don’t know about my position in my scuba diving club, the position with the National Organization of Concerned Black Men or this blog.  It’s personal, it’s not for them to know, they don’t scuba dive, they’re not concerned and they ain’t black! Ha Why should they know?…even the black people I work with don’t know, you know why?…because people run their mouths.

Happy hours:

Have a drink…don’t get drunk. I personally don’t mix friends with coworkers. It’s not to say your career or work environment will not promote a good relationship but do so at your discretion. Megan may not want to be called Stacy, or better yet you don’t want people asking Megan when she calls, “Why didn’t you come to our happy hour?” Get my point?

Black issues:

Every time there’s a “black” issue try not to be the go to person in the office. Stay away from those conversations unless you really have to set someone straight, and you can do so without offending. Race is a tough subject and sometimes it becomes hard to navigate out of it.

For me this next piece of advice is a hard thing to understand. If it doesn’t happen to you, great. Something that I noticed is that people will talk about something that’s your responsibility within a distance where you can hear, and won’t invite you into the conversation. For the life of me, I don’t know why people do that. I guess it’s an informal way to invite you into the conversation, but it annoys the mess out of me. I don’t know what it is about standing next to my cubicle and talking about something I’m responsible for, but you don’t address me at all. Weird.

Brings me to my last point, don’t get mad. Regardless of what’s said, done, emailed…don’t get mad. Be cool.

MPM

“Always be smarter than the people who hire you.” Lena Horne

Thomas Jefferson sent a letter to Thomas Paine in 1796, in which he wrote: “Go on doing with your pen what in other times was done with the sword.” This statement was the predecessor of the quote by Edward Bulwer-Lytton in 1839, “The pen is mightier than the sword.”  It’s a proverb to suggest writing is more effective than military power or violence.

In 2015, we seldom use the quill or pen, we use the keyboard.

“A keyboard is more damaging than a gun.”

Before I delve into generic advice about avoiding the “Reply All” button or staying professional and not getting personal. You have to understand how email is a chess game. As soon as you hit send you may place your career in checkmate. This is not a “Like” on Facebook, it’s not a picture of something funny on your instagram account. This is documented statements relating to your work responsibilities. Work is how you pay for everything you need to live, so take it seriously.

Where to start. Email is recorded somewhere on a server/cloud…somewhere, and can be shared EVERYWHERE to ANYONE. So if you’re upset or mad at what someone just transmitted to you, your friends, manager or coworker in an email, DO NOT RESPOND, not immediately anyway.

When someone pulls me into an email thread and the blame starts to shape around me, I do five things.

1> I read the email at least three times. (I know I’m mad and when I’m mad, I miss things the first and second time I read the offending email. I need to understand everything that’s being said. I may be mad for no reason.)

2> Breathe to calm down. (I know I’m mad and I need to think clearly about my response.)

3> Examine and understand who the person included in the email and what does that say about the tone of the email. When someone is emailing you and all of a sudden they include the whole team, most times blame is coming your way. Be careful of anyone that publicly blames and criticizes you but privately praises you. Realize the people could be BCC(Blind Carbon Copied) on the email.

4> I reply to everyone they included in the thread but I also include other people who may be affected by the subject matter discussed. I know I said earlier, avoid Reply to All, but when you are responding professionally and not retaliating it shows that you’re a mature professional and you can handle a little pressure without being personal. I usually don’t like to include people but I do so to be inclusive and “align all the resources for transparency”. When you make that statement, it looks less like you’re retaliating.

5> When I reply to all, I remove everyone off the email until I’m ready to send. This way if I send by accident, the unfinished email is not being sent to anyone. I’ve done it before.

Before you start typing, ask yourself, “Can I have this discussion in person, offline?” Sometimes you can, if and only if it’s an email just to you, go to the person and have the discussion. After the discussion, put closure to the discussion by going back to your desk and drafting an email starting with, “Per our discussion, ….”. When you do this you do two things; you resolve the issue and you document the resolution. Blind copy yourself in this email, because in about a year when performance appraisals come out, some people might not remember exactly how this issue was resolved.

Writing the email…

You have to set the tone. When you reply to your coworker “Melissa”, Don’t type out,

“Melissa, You are wrong, blah blah blah”.

You should start the email with a neutral greeting;

“Good morning team,” “Hello team” or even “Good morning Melissa”.

When you say, “Melissa, blah blah blah”

Melissa is already on the defense. When you greet the team or Melissa it paints the picture that you’re in control, calm and intelligent.  The greeting inherently gives the notion that someone else messed up because you’re too calm to be the one messing up. If it’s a nature of hostility I quickly diffuse the tone and aggression. It’s not easy but this is my career and everyone on the receiving end of the email is watching you.

I look at who “Melissa” included on the email and that will tell me if I’m being “put on blast”. In layman’s terms I’m being blamed or embarrassed. You have to be careful when other people are suddenly on the email, understand why the author decided to all of a sudden include you…then read the entire thread to see what’s being said.

Don’t use these phrases at all:

“First of all…”

“I told you…”

“It’s not my fault…”

“The problem is…”

Try these phrases;

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

“For clarity, I’d like to give everyone an understanding of the other issues we may have to consider.”

“Going forward to properly align our expectations, we could try…”

“I see this as an opportunity for more collaboration.”

“I’m glad we have an opportunity to identify where we have not met expectations.”

“In the future, if we have an issue that occurs within my scope of responsibility, please call me directly.”

“I have to admit my disappointment, but I will make it my priority to resolve this issue.”

I pulled this advice from a website:

http://www.businessinsider.com/common-email-mistakes-professionals-make-2014-7#ixzz3gYwxmJxY

Being too formal

While formality remains crucial to professionalism, if you’re emailing a client you call by their first name in person, don’t revert to an honorific, such as Mr. or Mrs., in the email, Gottsman advises. Your email opening should always reflect your relationship with that person.
Becoming too informal too quickly

While an email thread can swiftly become short and friendly, starting off too informally — for example, saying “Hey Megan” instead of “Hello Ms. Smith” to a new contact — may seem disrespectful. “It can smack of a lack of professionalism that may cause people to wonder what else you don’t realize is important or take seriously,” Kallos says. Always start a conversation politely and formally, and follow the other person’s lead. Gottsman recommends waiting until they sign off using their first name to use it yourself.
Saying “to whom it may concern”

This greeting is the email kiss of death, Gottsman warns. “It shows you haven’t done your homework,” she says. “It’s so easy to find out who you need to talk to if you put in a little effort.” Taking the time to include a name will make your email feel more personal and less generic. If you can’t find a specific name, try something like “To the consumer affairs department” or “Dear hiring manager.”

Hitting “reply all”

Unless what you’re saying applies to absolutely everyone, respond only to the sender, Gottsman says. It’s annoying to receive one-sentence responses from 40 different people, especially if the topic isn’t relevant to what you’re working on.

Including too many personal details

No one wants to read through more than they need to, so keep emails concise and leave out personal details. “Business email etiquette developed because people want to hear about just business, not your cousin or grandmother,” Kallos says. Save your personal updates for another time.

Not monitoring your tone

“Since people can’t hear our tone of voice, we have to remember that all they have is the written word,” Gottsman says. “The writer needs to make sure that they are writing for the reader to understand.” This makes phrasing and formatting extremely important to clearly getting your point across. Always take the time to find the exact word that conveys what you mean, and only bold something if you’re ready to stand by it, Kallos says. “If you type it, you better mean it,” she adds. People will take things the wrong way, so avoid even giving them the chance to.

Asking questions that have already been answered

Asking unnecessary questions not only wastes the other person’s time, it shows that you didn’t pay attention to what they said the first time around. To avoid this, Kallos suggests answering emails point by point. “People love it because they know you’ve taken the time to address each and every one of their concerns,” she says.

Saying something over email that should be done face-to-face

Some things, such as offering criticism, can’t be said over email without creating a misunderstanding. Learn to recognize these situations, and pick up the phone or walk over instead of sending an email. “On email you don’t have the eye contact or the body language, so there are times you’ve got to add that personal touch,” Kallos says.

I pulled this advice from another website:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141020211726-68335342-career-damaging-email-blunders-to-avoid

Do: Only reply to all when necessary.Remove those on the thread that do not pertain to your response. Most people feel they get enough email as it is. So, sending them unwanted mail will only annoy them.

Do: Be professional in your communications. Use good grammar and choose your words carefully. If writing is not one of your strong points, consider typing it in Word first, and then copying and pasting it into an email. Words’ spell check and built-in grammar help will alleviate most errors.

Do Not: Send poorly written emails. It makes you look unprofessional, uneducated, and gives off the impression that you do not care.

Do: Respond within 24 hours or sooner even if you don’t have an answer right away. At least let the sender know that you have received their message, and set an expectation for a follow-up.

Do Not: Take days, weeks, months to RESPOND!

Do: Send email when you are in a good frame of mind.

Do: Send email at appropriate times of the day.

Do Not: Send email late at night or after you have been drinking. For obvious reasons this can be a complete train wreck. I have seen it happen!

Do: Be very careful when replying from your mobile. The auto correct feature can be a killer, and lead to some real embarrassing emails.

Do Not: Send email without first reading it over a few times. Especially when sending from your smart device.

Lastly, just be careful. I’ve seen careers ruined because someone was angry and didn’t know how to effectively communicate. The funny thing is they were right but they included the bosses boss, bad move.

Email can potentially end a presidential campaign run, ask Hillary.

MPM

I discussed ending a job/relationship in one of my more recent blogs but I never offered any insight regarding keeping a job. I should say maintaining a career instead of a job. When your working a job, it may not necessarily be a career. If your flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant or mowing lawns you may not say it’s your career. If you’re smart these jobs will help you understand business and the develop the attitude you need to represent a company.

I’ve been working in corporate America since graduating college in 1996. What I think now and what I thought or perceived in 1996 are like night and day, or should I say black and white. I graduated from a historically black college or university(HBCU). My education fully prepared me for the technical rigors of the position without question. Unfortunately, going to an HBCU, may have handicapped me regarding the culture of corporate America. The corporate racial make up is about 80% white. I’m making that number up but when you’re the only person of color in the audience of about a hundred people, you’ll realize I’m being very generous with my estimate. So…when I say corporate culture I mean, dealing with white people or a non-diverse population and their perceptions and insecurities of a black people. I’m not pointing a finger at racism, I’m not even pointing the finger, I’m just aiding you in understanding how to identify the behavior without losing your cool or your job.  As the black person, it’s key not to allow people to disrespect you. If you try to make everyone like you, you’ll be miserable for your entire time in that position. You rather people respect you than like you. You’re not there to make people laugh, that’s not your job. I’m not saying be angry or militant like I was, but understand if everyone wants to joke with you, the black guy, ask yourself why. It’s not a bad place to be if everyone really is cool and respectful but it’s a slippery slope. Next thing you know, they’ll be saying, “My niggah” as a joke and you’re left standing there debating breaking his jaw and going to jail or laughing uncomfortably cause you want to keep your job. Don’t friend anyone on Facebook, keep your social life private, I just tell people, “I don’t friend co-workers.” I can’t control what my friends on Facebook will say and if a deep discussion about Obama, Zimmerman or the justice system pops up then I don’t want to hear about it at work. So learn to keep your private life private. If I leave the position then maybe, but I don’t want to introduce any coworkers to all my friends. People pass judgement, they get jealous and it’s not necessary. My friends on Facebook are MY FRIENDS and my co-workers are not allowed in that world. Again, you’re here to do your job, not make friends.

Don’t be unapproachable or angry, the angry black man persona is just awful. People won’t want to work with you, you may not get key emails or invited to meetings. The pro-black, militant image will make your environment horrible. People won’t want to associate with you. It’s a hard balance to maintain but for success you must do it. I’ll use an example, be approachable enough to where someone will give you a ride if you’re stuck in the snow and be prepared to do the same for someone. Even if you don’t agree with them from time to time, be professional enough to help them if their car needs a jump.

Be nice to everyone but don’t be a push over, remember you want people to respect you. I mean nice to the janitors, window washers, cashiers in the cafeteria, everyone. You’re not that important, I don’t care how much you make. It’s nice to be important but it’s important to be nice.

When you communicate, ask questions, be clear in your statements, most times just say, “I don’t understand the expectations, can you provide a little more clarity?” Be the team player, if someone asks for someone on your team and they’re not present respond, “They went to lunch, you need me to help you with that?” Just be pleasant, like the cashiers in Chic-fil-a. When they say, “My pleasure.” I think it’s different, pleasant even. You may think it’s corny, phony or uncool, it’s not meant to be cool. You’re a professional now,  act like a professional, you want to be cool and unemployed or a working professional buying cool stuff or going to cool places. Being broke ain’t cool.

Dress the part, pull you pants up!

YOU WILL NEVER BE A MANAGER FOR ANYTHING BUT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT IF YOU DON’T PULL YOUR PANTS UP! I’m not going to say anything else about that, because I’ll just get off subject.

People are going to piss you off, they are going to annoy you. People will test you where they won’t test your white coworkers. I don’t know why this is, it’s  just the culture but this is the time to be cool. Don’t retaliate, just seek understanding and then respond professionally. It’s hard I know, real hard, but when you’re angry, you allow them to win. Don’t reinforce a negative stereotype about black men that will justify them not hiring another person of color…ever.  If something upsets you, don’t be angry, excuse yourself walk around the building and clear your head. I remember this woman was setting me up, trying to get all this ammunition against me. She didn’t understand my job, the team or the dynamics of getting things done and protocol. I allowed her to think she was going to embarrass me in a one on one meeting with my manager. After successfully dismissing her assumptions about what I was doing and not doing, I asked her a simple question, “Is this your first position in a leadership capacity?”  She almost broke down and started crying right there and I was very compassionate in my inquiry. Man, it was beautiful. That was when I realized that it’s not cool to lose your cool. An older gentlemen(white) later made a comment about her to one of my friends that she, “didn’t like black people”. I felt good about the vindication but it was an empty victory because I left the job, and it was a really good position. I had made some angry decisions prior to our meeting and it caused me to leave that position.

When you mess up, own up to it, be responsible and be the first one to fix it. If your white coworker makes a mistake, it will be much easier accepted and excused. Hey…I don’t make the rules but after 19 years of witnessing how they respond to my mess up versus “Paul Whiteguy”, I know the game. It’s all good, I don’t like it but hey I’m still employed and it could be a lot worse.

I’ve also learned that I shouldn’t share what I do in my personal life. After working in my first corporate job for about one year, my black friend told me, “They don’t like you.” He was talking about my team. Stunned, I said, “WHY?!” He said, “You’re making the same amount of money they are, you’re younger than they are…and you’re black.” Still shocked I said, “I don’t understand.” He said, “Come here.” We walked over to my cubicle, and he pointed to where I had scuba pictures in Grand Cayman, horseback riding pictures in Virginia and indoor rock climbing tickets posted in my cubicle. He then said, “They are jealous, and you’re black.” It was my first wake up call and it wasn’t my last. So…also keep your personal pictures home. Be ready to leave the job in one hour if your fired. It’s not personal, it’s business.

I had a woman ask me,”How did you get this job?” I said, “I went to college and graduated with a degree in the IT field.” She responded, “How did you pay for college?” I responded, “Student loans”. Seeing an opportunity for both of us to learn something, I said, “What college did you go to?” She said, “I didn’t.” Shocked I said, “How did YOU get your job?!” She said, “I’m friends with the managers wife.” “Figures”, I smirked and walked away.  I wasn’t compassionate or interested in entertaining her ignorance at that point, but back then I wasn’t mature in my responses to people. Again, I don’t raise the racism flag, it’s just the culture. Some white people have never been around black people, all they understand is what they see on tv. Your inherent duty is to give them the best representation of a black civilian you can. It’s not totally their fault but take advantage of the opportunity to properly correct them if the opportunity presents itself.

MPM

“Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like “well I don’t hate black people so I’m not a racist,” but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you’re privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven’t been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change.” Dave Chappelle

DISCLAIMER: My hopes is that the culture of racism will have died off and you won’t experience this racial double standard my generation had to endure. I call it the Obama phenomena, where you have to be over qualified, make no mistakes, be perfect in all you do just to be equal to someone white that’s  under-qualified, inefficient and a product of the “good ole boy” system. What I talk about is the inherent entitlement of whites. I hope you don’t ever get a taste of the stereotype association. Things are changing yes, but I would rather you step into a position somewhat prepared, than not be prepared at all.

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