Category Archives: Relationships

The relationships category provides man to man advice to young men of color. There are topics and discussion that men need to discuss. This category provides a platform for that firm discussion.

November 7, 2013 · 9:33 PM

Movie Review: “American Promise”

American Promise

No spoiler alert here!

Yesterday, I was sent a link for a movie trailer:  http://www.americanpromise.org/. At first when I visited the site, I was thinking, “another sad story about our youth”. After I watched the trailer I said, “I have to see this movie, TONIGHT”  Last night I went to E Street Cinema downtown DC to watch the 7:30pm show of American Promise. http://www.landmarktheatres.com/Index.htm  The E Street venue usually shows really good quality movies that don’t just follow status quo of what is comfortable for society. You’re not going to see the blockbuster movies here but you will come away with a good discussion piece from just about any movie there. E street shows movies that hit home with a cinematic candor that you don’t want or need watered down.  The really good stories about the black experience are rarely on the major venues so I was hopeful and curious last night.

I’m not going to spoil the movie for anyone nor am I going to become a critic and inject my own opinions. My blog will always be positive so here goes.

I wasn’t overwhelmed with this movie,[that’s a bad way to start] but wait. 🙂  I didn’t come away with some new understanding of my own childhood or revelation about being a man. As a grown man, I could comprehend what was happening in the movie. The stages of maturity represented in the movie were not something foreign to me. However, to any young black male, this movie has a value beyond any movie I’ve seen. It takes the viewer through a candid journey from adolescence to maturity. You, the viewer, witness the happiness, sadness, perseverance, and triumph in the incremental years of a maturing young man. You see the repercussions of decisions both good and bad. A young black boy has an evolving comprehension, and this movie provides two real life examples of the “middle passage”. The evolution of Idris and Seun would help any young black male in these “middle passage” years navigate a little better. “American Promise” walks you through the lives of Idris and Seun. It takes you through the challenges they face through their educational timeline. The movie provides a platform where any young viewer can examine the parallels of their own lives and possibly replicate the triumphs. Any adult can appreciate this movie, but young black boys NEED to see this movie. If you have children, especially young black boys, take them to see this movie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfA939LmPbU

The movie wasn’t overwhelmingly racial, not at all. To whites without an understanding of the black experience, some movies can be slightly abrasive. Don’t get me wrong, some movies NEED to be abrasive to give a circumstance the proper relevance.  In this movie, the message was not lost in the offensiveness of the implied guilt of racism. For the average white person that may not have an understanding of the experience, this movie has a topical amount of the racial dispute. You don’t get lost in a militant message that massages just one race or gender. I was impressed by how the movie touched on so many relevant discussions and categories that parallel my concerns for our young men. I could not resist blogging about it to hope that others see this movie.

American Promise

My motivation for setting up this blog is to assist young positive black boys to manhood. I don’t exclude anyone but my target audience is young black boys. To my followers you all know this…and thanks for continuing to follow. I’ve never used the blog for a movie review but I must endorse this movie based on an aligned objective of helping young black boys.

MPM

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October 28, 2013 · 2:08 AM

Growing up: The responsibility of maturity.

I received slight criticism for my post on “Navigating YOUR success“.  The feedback was simply that my blog was a little firm, in the manner of over using the capitalization of YOU & YOUR. I started to change some of the wording and then I considered something. The feedback was from a female and I explained to her that my audience is young males. The way a father talks to his son is different than a mother talks to her son. The capitalization is necessary in the context of my previous blog. I want to impart responsibility to my audience. Their success or dare I say survival, is based on them accepting responsibility. The YOU & YOUR was me assigning responsibility to him for his success.

That discussion motivated this weeks blog.

Growing up is a transition. It’s not an; age, tattoo, badge, muscle, or a certain height. It’s not passive or aggressive but you have to accept it. Being a man, growing up is the accumulation of responsibility. Your behavior, actions, and thought process starts to become less dependent and more independent. It could start out with; shoveling the snow, holding your younger siblings hand when crossing the street, washing your own clothes, pumping the gas, learning how to cook your own meals, doing your homework without being told, etc. The list goes on but these are subtle things that contribute to your growth.

Your parent(s) will take pride in not having to do those things for you. It’s not that they don’t want to take care or you, but the would appreciate witnessing you taking on your role in the household. You don’t have to wait for them to stop doing things for you, you can eventually do them on your own. Their son is growing up, it’s a common rite of passage. In a marriage ceremony, the tradition is that the bride is given away by the father. That father wants to give his daughter away to a man. The father is holding you responsible for his daughter’s care, safety, and well being. Before he gives his daughter away, you have to demonstrate your level of responsibility to him. Before you receive a “reward” of a wife, you have to exhibit your financial stability and your individual accomplishments as a human being. He’s balancing his judgement on your demonstration or example of responsibility. At some point and time, you will have to take out the trash, cook, clean, and be financially responsible for your own children, his grand babies. Your acts of responsibility start now with you taking out the dang trash. 🙂

Maturity means standing on your own. It means financially, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually standing on your own. Financial responsibility means you pay your own bills, maintain your residence, earn and spend your money responsibly without the constant help from someone else. You can control your emotions. Your emotions don’t negatively affect someone else. You can navigate in society without emotional outburst that endanger others. You are spiritually balanced. You can grow to pursue your belief system and manage your own realistic expectations without manipulative influence from others. Lastly, your intellectual base is sound. You can make cognitive decisions for you and your family. You are a human being with the individual capacity to contribute to the society.

MPM

Probably the most significant and my first blog bible quote:

1 Corinthian 13:11 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” NIV

-Shoot out to Rashed & Joseph, two young brothers I was teaching how to shake hands today. Etiquette blog subject for next week!

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October 13, 2013 · 3:21 PM

Shoot Out: Steve Perry and the “Save My Son” episodes

I happened to come across an episode of “Save My Son“. The show is hosted by School Principal Steve Perry Ph. D. The show is kind of a reality show but is actually real.

SOAPBOX MOMENT: Let me first tell you that I don’t believe in wasting my time watching reality shows and the category “reality show” is oxymoronic altogether. Yes there are real activities that are filmed but the boring subject matter usually doesn’t get aired and you come away with this notion that life is choc full of fights, lies, sex, money…you name it. Let me tell you now, THAT IS NOT REALITY, that is a producer trying to make his show popular. If the show has a million people watching it, then commercials costs more to advertise, the higher the viewership the more the producer can charge advertisers to air commercials of their products. Similar to the 5 million dollar per 30 seconds for commercials for the SuperBowl. There are millions of people watching, and to air your commercial during the game, you’re going to pay. It’s all about money. The reality shows always cater to the dramatic or idiocy, it draws us in, and that’s why I don’t like it. I can’t let that energy enter my peaceful house. END SOAPBOX MOMENT

Dr. Perry man…I gotta say, I applaud you. This was the first reality show that hit me in the chest, maybe the second.  My first was “Scared Straight” on HBO see description…

“Filmed at Rahway State Prison, a group of inmates known as the “lifers” berate, scream at, and terrify the young offenders in an attempt to “scare them straight” (hence the film’s title) so that those teenagers will avoid prison life. The documentary aired on television in the late 1970s, uncensored; it marked the first time that the words “F#@!” and “S#!&” were broadcast on many networks.”
Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!

HBO aired that show before the category of “reality show” existed. The show had an undeniable affect on me. Similar to that affect was the “Save My Son” show, it was dead on, i felt it, I connected to the child and the parents. The situation was a lot like some personal circumstances I’ve dealt with and continue to deal with, it was refreshing to say the least. I compare the show to an episode of “Good Times” or the “Cosby Show” or even the “The Fat Albert Gang” all those shows…through laughter, reflection and sadness, had a message. Yeah “Good Times” was depressing at times, and the “The Fat Albert Gang” was a cartoon but every show had a positive message…every show. Similar to “Save My Son“, this show figuratively gets in your living room and makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s like a stranger comes in your house and sits right next to you on your couch and the family has to figure out who is this stranger. The more you talk to the stranger the more you realize this stranger’s name is “Truth”. The problem is you’ve not taken an honest look at yourself or what’s happening in your life in such a long time that the “Truth” no longer is recognizable. Well on this show Dr. Perry “ain’t pulling no punches”, it’s the vestibule of “Scared Straight” and if you don’t get the lesson, that’s where you’ll be headed, to prison. A new prison reality is not an episode I want to be in.

How does this help my young brothers?!?! Take lessons from every experience, learn from others mistakes and keep moving. Why follow a doctrine that’s wrong? There are positive examples all around you, there are common sense laws that you need to adhere.  Your parents are usually telling you things, advising you because they’ve done it, sometimes wrong but why not listen to them?! They can tell you what NOT to do.  So many of our young adults think they know it all…YOU DON’T and the quicker you understand that, the more successful you’ll be, I promise. I’m not saying everything on tv is quality television, cause it’s not, but there are some shows that hit home and this show is one of them. I just want my audience to check it out…this is my shout out to “Save My Son”.

Thank you Dr. Steve Perry.

MPM

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October 11, 2013 · 1:24 AM

What is a mentor?

men·tor
  [men-ter]
Noun a wise and trusted counselor or teacher, an influential senior sponsor or supporter
First, I shared the dictionary definition.
Now let me share my personal definition of the word mentor. There are various forms of mentoring and mentors but I want to give all of you a full end to end definition of the word. This is my version of the word mentor and how it’s helped me, so when I mention “my youth audience”, I’m talking about my young positive males that need mentoring the most and could possibly be the best mentors themselves. The definition above is the generic term, the more universally accepted term by all. When you see the template embodied…that’s the definition that you see.
A mentor could be anyone…it could be an uncle, a older cousin, a neighbor, corner store employee, the local bum on the street, the alcoholic, the weed-head…wait before you get crazy about the last three I mentioned…let’s go back to the definition. A “wise”, “trusted”, “teacher”, “influential” “senior” …the bum, alcoholic, and weed-head all have something you don’t have…experience. When I was coming up, the local alcoholic, Rodney, would make the neighborhood kids laugh but continuously deter us from any activity that led to his plight. He was the older harmless dude…but when “Bottle Rod”as we called him, would get his daily salve, he would dispense wisdom…sometimes in nuggets…sometimes in bolders.  There was a wisdom about alcohol that he had and I didn’t, but it wasn’t pretty and he didn’t make it pretty but those pebbles help me slide far enough away from the temptation to try a sip prematurely.  Similar to the weed-heads that befriended me because my mothers boyfriend sold nickel bags of weed, back when they were $5.00 in the yellow envelopes.  Yeah I was the younger wide-eyed naïve kid that was always peeping and watching, but these individuals were influential in decisions I would make later in my life. Decisions that would make or break my future…and yes…they came from the “trusted” alcoholics and weed-heads around the way. I had a close family member that was a “functioning alcoholic”. I’m just now coming to terms with that. She always had wisdom, plenty of it, just that when the alcoholic wisdom was in your face and “figuratively” made your nose bleed from the brutal honesty it was something you didn’t forget in short time. Her lessons hit deep and hard, but those lessons applied in my life, allowed me to avoid some of her own pitfalls.  So anyone that has an experience that can share with you without wanting something or having an agenda…SHUT YOUR MOUTH and LISTEN.  When that wisdom is free unfiltered, unabridged….take it!  Don’t look down your nose at someone because they made a bad decision, they could possibly help you avoid making that same bad decision. Let’s be clear…these characters don’t always have the best intentions…so don’t go looking to have sit downs with the unsavory characters in the hood.  Similar to the man that’s dressed in a suit will always be trustworthy, that’s not true! Your new mentor may be just trying to align himself with you to get close to your mother. It’s not always the case, but be careful with any man that’s in a hurry to help you when your mother is around watching. I’m just saying be appreciative and open to receiving wisdom in every vessel.

Now, a mentor should be a person that guides, makes you better. He or she should be someone you look up to that your parent(s) also endorse. Any mentor can come along at any point in your life. He or she doesn’t have to be present or available just when you see them or when you’re under the age of 21.

I’m older but I still have social mentors that are in my community. For example, in 1996 when I started volunteering as a mentor with Concerned Black Men, Inc. (DC Chapter), I looked at Kelvin G. and Edward F. and David J. These three men were the examples that I needed to be the best mentor I could be. They all embodied a collective “perfect mentor” to me. So while I was mentoring youth, I was being mentored by these gentlemen. They were and still are the best examples of men that anyone could want.

I have professional mentors that are influential in my career. I have family mentors that I align with regarding family issues. For example, my uncle, Voshell R. Smith, “Rusty”, has always been my rock, my anchor but career wise, he’s admitted that I’ve surpassed him in a corporate career sense. He’s passed on so much wisdom about people that I still use his examples in every realm of my life. He is and always will be my go to person. Don’t assume a mentor has a place in only one aspect of your life. Use other peoples experiences as your guide, you don’t have to make the mistake again…or the same mistake someone else made.

This is your blog, your forum, ask any questions that may help us both grow as black successful men.

MPM

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