Category Archives: Life Skills

The Life Skills category establishes an understanding about the “sandbox of life”. Everyone is in the box, young men of color have to understand how to conduct themselves in it.

January 14, 2014 · 7:23 PM

New Years Resolution = Self Improvement

The point of this blog is not to get you to have the perfect resolution. The purpose is for you to understand the path to getting better through your resolutions. You have to examine yourself and target what’s lacking and make it better. I want you to get moving towards your goals through an internal assessment of who you are and who you want to be. I’m personally never content in one space when I know I can do better. I try to keep moving forward in my attitude, my position and my vision. Nothing worth getting happens overnight so start working towards that goal. Before I get into resolutions, let me first examine the purpose of resolutions so we all can understand how resolutions originated and what they should be.

There are several origins of new years resolutions;

The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.

The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.

In the Medieval era, the knights took the “peacock vow” at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.

At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions.

Thanks Wikipedia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My interpretation of a resolution is some vow or commitment to better yourself. I’ve learned to make my resolutions realistic. For example, “Being a millionaire by the end of the year” is not a resolution, it may be a goal but how realistic is that really? Now if you resolve to “Save ten percent of your income by the end of the year”, that’s a good attainable resolution. Shoot maybe by the end of 10 years saving 10 percent, you may be a millionaire.

My point is that all resolutions aim at making yourself better, self-improving, and becoming a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As a young man, I had role models like; my uncle, grandfather and my mother’s boyfriend. As some sort of rite of passage, I always tried to think of a resolution that would make me better as a man or husband. I mean, they knew things about cars that I didn’t know so I would learn from them. My grandfather was a hard worker so I would try to work harder and not give up quick like I usually did. My mother would say, “Don’t half do it, do it until it’s complete”.

I’ve committed to several resolutions over the past 20 years or so. This is a list of resolutions as far as I can remember. 

  • Clean up my room more
  • Take out the trash when asked the first time
  • Learn how to swim
  • Get my driving permit
  • Learn how to jump-start a car.
  • Learn how to drive
  • Get a passport
  • Pay off my Macy’s credit card
  • Get accepted to college
  • Study 4 times a week
  • Learn how to cut my own hair
  • Get a part-time job while in school
  • Learn how to drive a manual transmission
  • Don’t have any babies before I graduate college
  • Don’t smoke any weed
  • Graduate college
  • Purchase a home
  • Travel outside the country
  • Pray more
  • Volunteer/Mentor with an organization
  • Pay my taxes on time
  • Don’t get any speeding tickets
  • Start my own company
  • Join a church
  • Lose 10 lbs
  • Learn how to scuba dive
  • Tithe regularly
  • Eat red meat 1 time a week
  • Join a dive club
  • Run for office of my volunteer chapter
  • Learn muay thai
  • Don’t send out emails without proofreading
  • Run for an office position of my national volunteer organization
  • Start a mentoring blog

I can honestly say I completed all of the resolutions successfully. It wasn’t always in that week, month or year but it was completed.

Well, it’s the beginning of the year and I want to put out some resolutions that I plan on sticking to for the duration of the year. Listed in priority order.

  • Be positive, regardless of the situation be positive…make the situation better not worse
  • Control my temper…be quick to listen, slow to speak…2 ears 1 mouth 
  • Wake up at 7am
  • Learn Spanish
  • Pay off all my credit cards…I paid them off once, gotta do it again
  • Do not purchase any clothing 
  • Go to Costco 1 a month…tops
  • Blog once per week
  • Learn to ice skate
  • Finish screenplay
  • Select 3 places I would live abroad (Bermuda, 1 down 2 to go.)
I’ll get these goals finished and by the end of the week, month, or year, I’ll have another set of goals. Even if I don’t get these goals finished, I’ll be better. Being better doesn’t mean being perfect, it means making progress and maturing.
MPM
“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often.”
Winston Churchill
Next blog: Asia Adams Save Our Children Foundation

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Bermuda: A life changing vacation.

Some time ago, I blogged about traveling.

Travel to change your life!

Well, I’m just back from a fabulous vacation in Bermuda. Bermuda is my top favorite place to visit, the people, the island, the weather, all amazing. I’ve been all over the Caribbean, Mexico, Europe and Bermuda is my favorite, no other place comes close. I always stress the importance of traveling to positive young men.  It’s an experience that will help you to grow exponentially. Bermuda is the same, it’s always great to me but my experience with relatives and friends is what made this vacation incredibly fulfilling.

My girlfriend and I were allowed to stay at the Premier’s house, they’re relatives, and it was a blast. To arrive at the airport in Bermuda and see my cousin’s face on the wall, “Welcome to Bermuda, Premier Craig Cannonier” was a shock. I smiled so hard with pride my cheeks hurt. Aunt Margo picked me up, looking regal as she always does, it was like the sun came out every time she smiled.

Rented a Scooter

Rented a Scooter

My girlfriend rode with her as I followed behind in my new rented scooter. I had hung out with my cousins before, it’s nothing new, they are simply great people. They’ve always been great people but to see them, the “first family”, in their blessing changed me at my core. I’ve always admired their “light” or “energy”. What I mean is, there are people who act like they are blessed, and there are people who live like they are blessed and it’s a magnetic experience when you are around people who live their blessing. They deserve all they receive and it feels so good to witness God work in their lives. They are positive at all times and I felt like a student to their blessed lifestyle. They have always been a beacon to me but to see them still humble, funny, and normal in their blessing changed me. I’ve not visited Bermuda since Craig won the election in December 2012, but to see them now there and appreciate that there was no difference in who they were then and now. Craig and his wife Antoinette cooked us dinner the night we arrived and it was surreal for my girlfriend to see his face on the wall at the airport in customs and be eating dinner with them a couple of hours later.

GP1

The Premier’s ride: GP1

During one conversation, Craig shared with us his experience at the World Islamic Economic Forum in London, England. To listen to his positive experience on this world stage blew my mind.  I was a student all over again being mentored about leadership and protocol. Throughout the discussion, Craig was the same old Craig, humble, funny, wise, insightful, animated and intelligent. Craig and his sister both have a presence about them, it’s almost regal. I shared some of my challenges in my leadership capacity and he shared some of his wisdom. His response made me rethink an email I just sent to my executive board. The email was aggressive and loaded with frustration. To be honest, it was an embarrassing email. It was embarrassing not only because of my aggression but because I know better.

We also met up with a cousin who is now the night manager at a resort on the island. To see her in her blessing was the cherry on top. I remember when she was running a small store in Hamilton and lost the store. To see her after that setback, to see her triumph over disappointment strengthened me in a way I can’t explain. I told her you have this thing nailed down. She has a presence about her that you can’t learn, purchase, or copy. I bet they both get it from their mother. You either have it or you don’t. To witness her humble beginnings and see her maturity in this industry was amazing. I am so happy for her.

My girlfriend and I were welcomed in another household for brunch. Keith and his wife Belynne cooked a turkey pie and cakes for us. I can’t ever forget the crust on the pie…A…MAZING! I had two helpings and I was out cold on the sofa. Everyone was so welcoming and hospitable. The visit was something I wanted my lady to experience so she could understand more about what I appreciate in life. I wanted to share with her, Keith’s view of the ocean from the front door, incredible.

The view from Keith's porch.

The view from Keith’s porch.

Craig’s example humbled me, it made me rethink my entire approach to challenges. It made me reconsider my blessing and walk in a brighter light. As a man, you are supposed to do what’s right. Do what’s right without embarrassing yourself or misrepresenting yourself, your family, or the organization you represent…in his case the country you represent. All of you with a challenge in front of you, face it with respect, address it intellectually and overcome it with the expectation that God has of you. Craig has been blessed with an opportunity to be an example. As a leader you must remember to encumber the hardships of responsibility and leadership without hesitation. All of you must understand, this is your blessing, this is your task. 

Off subject but related: I watched an interview where Oprah Winfrey was talking with Jamie Foxx. Jamie was explaining how Oprah arranged a meeting between Sidney Poitier and Jamie Foxx.  During the meeting between the two black men, Sidney said, “I give to you…responsibility”. Jamie said, “I never wanted to do anything I wasn’t proud of”. Jamie went on to say, “That was a trajectory change.”

Look at it here: 

To see the trajectory change of my family, and how they have ALWAYS been good to our side of the family will stay with me until the day I die. Their example of love will shape the way I lead my family.

This trip inspired me in ways that will resonate in my being for a long time. I don’t know if I’ll have a trajectory change, but if I do I’ll be prepared for it. For all of you, be ready for that trajectory change and don’t ever do anything that you’re not proud of.

I love Bermuda and I always will.

Our Oasis

Our Oasis

MPM

NEXT BLOG: I will blog on my new years resolutions

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January 8, 2014 · 10:55 PM
December 2, 2013 · 6:26 PM

1 bad decision can alter your life.

I’ve been blogging to you the importance of the decisions you make and how they shape and direct your life. Last year on March 17th, a judge announced that the defendants in the Steubenville rape trial were found guilty.

Last month, Ma’lik Richmond, 17 years old, was released out of the detention center after serving nine months of one year sentence.

Ma’lik Richmond and Trent Mays were found guilty of sexually assaulting a female acquaintance while she was severely intoxicated. The court case rocked the town of Steubenville, Ohio. Let’s be clear…I’m not blogging about guilt or innocence, or right and wrong…I’m blogging about decisions.

There are so many contributing factors that happened wrong on the evening of August 11th …and it all landed in the lap of these 16 & 17-year-old teenagers.  Two star football players and a 16-year-old girl, who was drunk out of her mind…to the point where didn’t remember anything that happened to her. She was in Ohio, miles away from her home in West Virginia. At times, because she was so drunk, she didn’t have any idea where she was or who she was with. The court found the two star football players Ma’lik 16 and Trent 17 guilty of exploiting the girl by taking naked pictures with her and “digitally penetrating” her. These events on the night of August 11th will forever change these 3 lives.
So let’s think about this:
Both teens received a 1 year incarceration and the possibility of being categorized as registered sex offenders for the rest of their lives.
The football futures of both teen football careers are quite possibly over.
Someone close to the case possibly and attorney named, Lipps stated, “Delinquent beyond a reasonable doubt on all three counts as charged.” The verdict is the  equivalent of a guilty verdict in adult court.
In earlier testimony, two former friends of the girl told the court in testimony for the defense that she had a reputation as a liar.
It’s awful…Ma’lik’s life is forever changed…and the victim doesn’t even remember what happened. She will always be the girl who was assaulted, but her identity will remain concealed.
Ma’lik and Trent were sentenced to a minimum of one year. Lipps said that the Ohio Department of Youth services will rule on whether Mays and Richmond will be detained longer, adding it will depend on their behavior and their progress in rehabilitation. Both could have remained incarcerated until they are 21.
I have some questions…not for you to answer but to think about:
There was a number of teenagers at this party drinking. How was it possible that all of the underage drinking was allowed?
 
This party went on for hours with no adult supervision, where were the owners of the house when all this partying occurred? The young woman who was “digitally penetrated”…where were her friends? 
She was from another state…did her parents know where their daughter was going? 
Now…let talk about parents, specifically your parents and those annoying questions they ask you.  Have you heard your mother or father, someone that cares about you ask… “Where you are going?” “Who are you going with?” “When can I meet your friend?” Parents ask these questions because of circumstances that you could possibly end up in. They ask these questions to help you make the right decision about a person, or activity etc. Maybe they recognize something that they don’t want you to get involved with…maybe they love you and they don’t want you to make a mistake.
After the verdict was read, Ma’lik Richmond turned to his lawyer, Walter Madison, and said, “My life is over.“
1BadDecision

1BadDecision

Learn from Ma’lik…

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December 2, 2013 · 6:11 PM

Learning how to lead (Blog 2 of 2)

  • lead      verb 1 show the way by going first;
  • leader      noun 1 someone who leads or goes first;

In my last blog I discussed that first step away from the pack. This first step separates you from the pack, makes you uncommon, possibly makes you “uncool” but it gives you an identity different from anyone else. There will always be people that are smarter, bigger, faster, “cooler”, or funnier that you. Those people may just be content to fit in, go along to get along but if want to be a leader the only thing you need most is courage. Many people have the talent and skill to be exceptional, special or great but most don’t have the courage to use those skills to be exceptional, special, or great. Leadership is not a team, job, event, place or group. It doesn’t end with you winning a game, or turning 18, or graduating college. Becoming a leader doesn’t start when you apply for a position or play a sport. Certain accomplishments may get you noticed or selected for a position but that’s only because people recognize leadership traits in you, they believe in you…sometimes before you believe in yourself. It’s easy to stay on your block or in your neighborhood and be average, but to be a leader you must possess the courage to act.  Being a leader starts when your decisions and actions are exceptional, special or great.

Your abilities don’t make you a leader, what determines your role as a leader is what you do with those abilities.

I feel a leader is a role that comes from a collection of traits. It’s your posture, the way you shake hands, the way you form your sentences, the way you tell a story or the way you command attention. Being a leader is exemplified in your actions, if you speak your mind, if you take a stand on an issue, if you fight for what’s right when everyone else is silent. Molding your leadership traits take courage to fight alone, to believe in something that you know is right and do something about it. The process of you becoming a leader has already begun, whether you step in the role or not, the chance will present itself when you’re ready. You will have to recognize that your moment when it occurs.

I went to see the movie, “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”. It’s the second movie of a three part series. In the first movie, Katniss Everdeen, the main character, volunteered to save her sister, Primrose, who had been originally selected for the games. Primrose would have most likely died in the games so Katniss believed she could sacrifice herself in the games to save their family. Her stepping forward immediately separated her from the pack. She expected to lose and die in the games but she used her basic  skills to survive and eventually win the games. Surviving and winning the games made her the leader of her sector. It wasn’t her winning the games but her actions, her defiance of a tyrant made her a leader. Her actions made her someone the people would follow.

Leadership usually comes from a noble place. Katniss sacrificed herself to save her family and in the meantime she had become the hope of her people by winning the games.   In this second movie, “Catching Fire” she had become a symbol of hope for her entire district.

When I was nominated for the Vice Chairman position, I didn’t see myself as this national leader, I still don’t but my peers did. I remember when it happened, it was 2006 at a delegates conference. I had got into a heated argument with a person on the executive board. During this argument, I publically challenged him and I didn’t back down. I knew then, that I was right regardless of what the perception was. From then on people recognized me as a person that spoke his mind and didn’t align with the status quo. Some people admire this trait, some people are intimidated by it. I know I have a responsibility to the delegation that I represent. Did I ever predict me being in this position? No. Throughout my life I’ve witness and inherited strong qualities from leaders that have mentored me. Those qualities or traits help me with the responsibility that I now possess. Does that make me a leader? Yes and I’m still trying to get better at it, still trying to do what’s right for the entire organization.

At my current job there’s a “Successories” poster that shows an eagle flying alone. It reads,

“Leaders are like Eagles, they don’t flock, you find them one at a time.”

MPM

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